Seen a buncha new movies these past few months. Let's discuss!
Ghostwatch
Hard to explain, but real quick: it's a fake BBC documentary on a haunting that aired once in 1992 and caused a mass panic because it was so realistic (Like Orson Welles' old War of the Worlds broadcast, but for ghosts). I know all the cinematic tricks they're using and I know it's only a movie, but it still deeply unnerved me. The site Shudder is the only place to find this thing and it's worth getting a free trial over there for this movie alone.
Get Out
Hard to explain, but real quick: it's a fake BBC documentary on a haunting that aired once in 1992 and caused a mass panic because it was so realistic (Like Orson Welles' old War of the Worlds broadcast, but for ghosts). I know all the cinematic tricks they're using and I know it's only a movie, but it still deeply unnerved me. The site Shudder is the only place to find this thing and it's worth getting a free trial over there for this movie alone.
Get Out
Brilliant brilliant movie. all the hype you've heard is true. this accomplishes everything a horror movie is capable of.
Kubo and the Two Strings
Wonderful mystical kids movie. Fun for the grown ups, too.
Unthinkable
Super disturbing flick about the evil that men do in the name of fighting terrorism. Though the shocking Final Act Twist was something Jack Bauer pulled in season two of 24.
Swiss Army Man
I guess if you're having an existential crisis, this is a lot of fun. I appreciated some of the humor, but I feel like I'd have to go through another serious depression to appreciate this fully. I hope I don't.
Sing Street
Adorable masterfully executed tale of kids discovering the joy of music and sharing it with each other and with the world. some seriously catchy tunes in here
Beware the Slenderman
Does a good job explaining the Slenderman legend. then it gets kind of tedious and depressing.
Mutant
Rollicking and surprisingly enjoyable early eighties low-budget horror. Has an awesome scene where one of the toxic zombies reaches through a window in a car by melting it with its toxic hands radiation powers.
Split
I loved the final twist. Easily M. Night Shyamalan's best twist since the one that you all know so well. Also James McAvoy is a dazzling human special effect.
X-Men: Apocalypse
Not a total disaster. But my expectations were low. Wolverine and Quicksilver scenes are super-diesel. And the Metallica "Four Horsemen" scene was beast.
Lo and Behold
Werner Herzog is in full-Werner-Herzog mode with this documentary tale of the rise of the Internet.
Werner Herzog is in full-Werner-Herzog mode with this documentary tale of the rise of the Internet.
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I'm tired. So
I'm gonna be lazy. I really liked these:
Michael Bolton's
Big Sexy Valentine's Day Special
The Lego Batman
Movie
IP Man
Girlfriend's Day
Suddenly
King of Comedy
Rocky Balboa
The Running Man
20th Century
Boys, part 1,2,3
Lemmy
Crazy Stupid Love
Hostage to the
Devil
Creed
A bunch of
Rifftrax episodes
The Guest
Weiner
Pumping Iron
Parole Violators
The Impossible
ARQ
Little Sister
Santa's Slay
Rats
Spectral
Order of the
Black Eagle
Lights Out
Baby Mama
Last Passenger
De Palma
Jim Gaffigan:
Cinco
I Am Your Father
Star Wars: Rogue
One
It's So Easy
(And Other Lies)
These might work
for you, but didn't do much for me:
Talking Heads:
Stop Making Sense
Predators
Sicario
5th Wave
Skiptrace
The Peanuts
Movie
The Magnificent
Seven (2016)
The Greasy
Strangler
The Similars
Clear History
Deathrow
Gameshow
Death Race 2050
Under the Shadow
I Am the Pretty
Thing That Lives in the House
Now You See Me 2
Self/Less
Keanu
Reggie Watts:
Spatial
The Conjuring 2
Secret Life of
Pets
The Wailing
Cold Prey
Sideways
Where the Wild
Things Are
The Day
Angry Birds
Movie
Midnight Special
Bullet to the
Head
These I am
openly hostile toward:
The Fog (remake)
Cannibal Girls
Predators
Dead Rising:
Endgame
Last Witch
Hunter
Kickboxer:
Vengeance
Don't Breathe
The Lobster
Thirst (2016)
When Metal Ruled
the World: A Sunset Strip Story
Three Musketeers
(2011)
Meet the Blacks
Rezort
Cell
Day of the
Animals
Don't Answer the
Phone
Point Break
(remake)
The Shadow
Sideways
Jack and Jill
Priest
The Watch
Daddy's Home
The Battery
Bride Wars
The Love Guru
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Okay, I got my energy back, here's some more fun insights:
Tales of Halloween
Halloween anthology film, maybe a dozen or so shorts.Liked it overall. There were a few that were head-scratchers. Like the one about the guy married to the baby-hungry witch. No twist, no reveal. Just a sad guy being abused by a witch. Then weird stuff. Not clear what was reality and not reality. So- hit and miss. Very much like Trick r Treat, in that it all interconnects on Halloween night, but that's fine. I enjoyed the movie most on a spot-the-horror-celebrity level. I caught that the kinky candy-stealing dad was Grady from Elm Street 2/ the lead actor in Vamp. But I missed that the kinky candy-stealing mom was Stretch from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. I noticed Barbara Crampton and Stuart Gordon were having a little Re-Animator reunion at the party before the bit with the ghost that follows the girl (Mick Garris and Robert Shaye's wife were in there, too). And here's a nerdy one- one of the cannibal jerks that got killed by the mob of avenging kids was Trent Haaga, who had major roles in Terror Firmer and Tromeo and Juliet. Oh, and Hatchet/Spiral/Frozen director Adam Green as the cop? Gold. Props to them for getting John Landis and Joe Dante in there. A lot to love here.
Microwave
Massacre
Jeez. It's
horrifying on every level except as a horror movie. Easily one of the worst
movies I've ever seen, and maybe even the worst. I don't even know where to
start. Scenes don't even cut together. Things happen, then in the next scene
there's no reference to them or something unrelated happens. Dialogue is that
way, too. It's like they shot the wrong dialogue for characters within the same
scene and then haphazardly cut it all together, making almost every
conversation a series of non sequiturs. And nothing anyone says or does makes
any sense. And it's horrifyingly misogynistic. It’s about a man who kills and
eats women. And it's a COMEDY. Rodney Dangerfield was originally set to star in
it, but he wanted too much money so they went with Jackie Vernon instead. This
world is a worse place for having this movie in it.
XXX: The Return
of Xander Cage
We saw the new
XXX movie, because we've grown to love Diesel for the entertainingly awful Fast
movies. Well, we kinda wish this XXX flick was dumber. It was dumb enough to be
entertaining, but it needed to be cut by 15 minutes and have one or two
additional stunt scenes. And it had a line that brought the house down, and I
was still laughing at after leaving the theater- after an awkward situation, a
character says to another, "So, other than that, how was the play, Mrs.
Lincoln?"
Drillbit Taylor
It's about a
homeless guy who these kids hire to be their bodyguard against bullies. There's
a great line where he's posing as a substitute teacher and says, "Yeah,
just walk into school and hold a coffee cup and no one will question why you're
there!" Now you know.
A way above-average horror anthology with William Shatner as a radio host tying it all together. I was actually caught off guard by the twist ending. Lots of zinger moments along the way.
Christmas Horror Story
A way above-average horror anthology with William Shatner as a radio host tying it all together. I was actually caught off guard by the twist ending. Lots of zinger moments along the way.
Deadly Blessing
Here's a horror
trivia item for you- did you know Wes Craven directed a film starring Sharon
Stone? Featuring a small part by Ernest Borgnine? Because he did! It's called
Deadly Blessing. It's not good, but not embarrassingly bad. There's a scene
that's identical to the through-the-legs bathtub shot in Craven’s subsequent
film which you might have heard of, little film called Nightmare on Elm Street.
Though this one’s tub shot has an even nastier payoff- instead of Freddy's
glove popping up...it's a SNAKE! Eek! A legit, actual snake attacks a woman in
a tub. It's unnerving and the movie's worthwhile for that scene alone. Sharon
Stone is baby-faced and forgettable. I thought I was cool for knowing she was
Steve Guttenberg's girlfriend in Police Academy 4, but this was way before
that. Borgnine's a gem as the religious fanatic leader, too.
New Neighbor
It's okay. Like
a different take on the recently-released I Am Not a Serial Killer, though it
doesn’t measure up favorably. James Caan is fantastic in it, the middle part
drags way too much. Great opening and a stellar ending, though.
Hall Pass
Has some pretty
good cold hard truths about masculinity and relationships and wasn't what I
expected from the crude premise (wife gives husband a “hall pass,” or a
one-week license to have sex with anyone). I loved that at the start the
characters were like, "Look at all these chicks we could nail if only we
were single!" And I thought, "No, you couldn't." And the movie
proceeds to show- no, they couldn't! Everyone thinks they have mad game and the
grass is always greener outside a monogamous relationship. But sometimes it
takes a serious reality check or drastic event to make us see ourselves for who
we are and what we're worth. The movie was silly and misfired at times. But it
nailed its theme about being honest with ourselves and appreciating what we
have and reconciling ourselves with our lives.
31
Rob Zombie’s at it again. Rich people kidnap poor people and put them in a building and hunt them for sport. It's got moments. Maybe if the Purge movies didn't exist, I'd have appreciated it more. As is...it felt like it was treading water where The Purge: Anarchy set off dynamite in the lake. The turf was burned and Zombie didn't add anything new, nor did he have anything special to say. And I didn't like the characters, as always with Mr. Zombie's scripts. The Rick and Morty episode about the Purge-planet was better, too.
Rob Zombie’s at it again. Rich people kidnap poor people and put them in a building and hunt them for sport. It's got moments. Maybe if the Purge movies didn't exist, I'd have appreciated it more. As is...it felt like it was treading water where The Purge: Anarchy set off dynamite in the lake. The turf was burned and Zombie didn't add anything new, nor did he have anything special to say. And I didn't like the characters, as always with Mr. Zombie's scripts. The Rick and Morty episode about the Purge-planet was better, too.
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