Hate to admit it, but yes, it's still worth it.
$3.33 per ticket is a good deal, despite all their chain-yanking.
It bears repeating: If they’d come rushing
out of the gate with that offer in August 2017, I would have jumped all over it
and been glad to do so. So would many others!
On top of that great price, they’re
(currently) offering an additional “$2 to $5 discount” on every ticket purchase
you make through their app. (We all know what that REALLY means. It means $2 off every ticket. $5? In our dreams.)
If you go to a local $7 matinee or hit up
the Alamo on $7-ticket Tuesdays, you can use MoviePass to see movies (beyond
your allotted three) on the big screen for $5 a pop.
That’s pretty cool. And a better price
than any of their competitors, other than AMC.
*
MoviePass was perfect.
Then it wasn’t.
I wrote the first Cinemadness book in a junkie-like cinema trance.
It probably needed to be broken.
Something that good can’t last forever.
And maybe it shouldn’t.
I’m writing this in the cold, hard light
of day. Haven’t seen a movie on the big screen in over a week. First time I can
say that since I got my little red card in early October, 2017.
I read every single article written
anywhere about MoviePass ever. I read all the derisive comments on every single
MoviePass Instagram post. I devour information and details and hints from this
crazy company.
And far too few people are telling you
what I’m telling you now:
IT’S STILL A GOOD DEAL.
*
Will MoviePass survive?
No one knows.
What will MoviePass do next?
No one knows.
Will unlimited movies ever exist again?
Oh, I can answer this—
Wait, no I can’t.
Because no one knows.
We can speculate, based on hints dropped
in the media.
If I had to guess, I’d say that if MoviePass
keeps existing, they might offer limited one-week or one-month unlimited
periods. Or they might let you go see whatever movie MoviePass Ventures is releasing
(like Gotti or American Animals) without having it count against your monthly
limit. They might follow Sinemia’s lead and offer combined family plans, or
access to 3D/IMAX movies.
They’ve messed around with the price point
for their movie-a-day plan in the past. If the app worked again and let us
choose any movie or showtime like it did during the glory days, you have to
wonder what they’d charge for it now. What would you be willing to pay?
Me? I’d say $30/month is a fair price, but
I wouldn’t pay it. I’d top out at $20/month.
Time will tell.
*
After I sent MoviePass Customer Service an
anguished, pathetic message telling them how they’d broken my heart after their
infamous Unlimited-Ending day… they actually responded. Sent me the following message,
surprisingly not a generic copy-pasted reply like every response on their Twitter
or Instagram posts:
“We
are so sorry for your frustrations here. We promise these are temporary
inconveniences and we ask for your patience for the short while. Updates are
coming soon.”
Who knows what that might mean?
Do we dare to hope?
*
MoviePass made believers out of us all.
And now we’re left to figure out how to go
on living in this bleak new reality without MoviePass as we knew it.
It’s still a good world.
MoviePass’ brand is chaos. We’re not
likely to affect that, so let’s try to just enjoy the show.
If they’re reading this, though? Here:
*
Dear
MoviePass, the most important thing you can do from now on is BE HONEST. I’ve
lost count of how many times your CEO sent out an awkward message saying
something like, “Sorry about doing
the last terrible/ridiculous thing we did and then lying about it. From here on
out, we’re committed to transparency and not doing terrible/ridiculous things
or lying about them!”
And
then you do another terrible/ridiculous thing. And lie about it.
And
so on.
Stop
that.
When
it came time to pull the plug on us blissful unlimited-annual members, you
could have eased that blow.
If
you’d just said, “Sorry, guys, we’re
running out of money and we can’t do this anymore. We’ll be cutting you off
soon”—all would be forgiven! We would
have understood! But no, you surprise-shived us in direct contradiction to
repeated promises you made that we could keep our plan, then twisted the knife
by making the cancelation/alteration retroactive and without warning.
Stop
that.
Think
first, then act.
Remember
the wisdom of Schrute and ask yourself: Would a complete idiot would do the
thing you’re about to do? If the answer is yes… do not do that thing.
Look,
I know your brand is chaos now, so you’re gonna keep altering the deal as much
as possible. Just to yank our chain. You’re having fun. And fun is fun.
But
it’s not a good idea if customer retention is something that interests you.
Take
care. Keep it icy, MoviePass.
*
And hey, if MoviePass dies, it dies.
Once they went unlimited for $9.95/month,
the company became like your 18-year-old deathly ill dog. You love it. You know
its death is inevitable and impending. You’ll be sad when it dies.
Well, at this point, MoviePass is your dog
at age 50, still alive beyond anyone’s rational or reasonable expectations.
It was a miracle.
And miracles don’t last.
They just end or become “sustainable”
instead.
*
We all have to move on now.
I considered replicating the structure of
the first Cinemadness book and
sprinkling both naughty and nice moviegoing advice and pointers through the
book, but I’m not gonna waste your time. That’s not what this book is.
The first one was about the joy of
moviegoing. This one is more “MoviePass:
What Happened!?”
That being said, if you want expert-level
advice and pointers, my first Cinemadness
book is still in print and the appendix for this book has a ton of helpful
suggestions and life lessons for you, gathered from my last 50 theater visits
by the power of MoviePass.
Here’s my most important advice: Take this
opportunity to re-engage with your life and appreciate your friends and family
more. Have movie nights at home. Make a social evening out of it with your pals
who used to go to the movies with you all the time. Read more. Think more. Go
walk outside more.
As Alexander Jodorowsky said at the end of
his renowned film, The Holy Mountain:
“Is
this life reality? No. It is a film… We must not stay here. Prisoners! We shall
break the illusion… Goodbye to the Holy Mountain. Real life awaits us.”
But one more thing...
-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename
(I also wrote the authoritative literary work on MoviePass, Cinemadness: Live Your Best MoviePass Life)
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