Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Cinemasterworks: Movie "Reviews," December 2016


I don't watch as many movies as I used to. I've become more of a TV casualty than a film buff. Oh well.

I'm also writing fiction non-stop and my right shoulder is in nearly constant pain from bad posture and uncomfortable chairs so I have to conserve my writing time. Probably done writing a review of every little thing I watch (or read) and will just let you know what's COOL, COOL (With obvious reservations), MEH, and flat-out NO. To qualify as a NO, I have to get sick of it within minutes and quit.

Let's watch!

COOL
Doctor Strange
My Name is Doris
I Am Not a Serial Killer 
St. Vincent 
Craptastic Number Two (Best film ever made. The co-director of this film, Bryan Kasik, is a genius.)
What We Become
Miami Connection
No Escape (2015)
Dementia-13
Quartet
The Rainmaker
Afflicted
MST3K: Zombie Nightmare
Elvis and Nixon
The Shallows
Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe
Jim Gaffigan: King Baby
Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed

COOL (But naughty)
Jackass 2.5 
Jackass 3.5
Hardcore Henry
The Nice Guys
Straight Outta Compton
Louis CK: Live at the Comedy Store
John Dies at the End

OKAY
187
Messiah of Evil
Son in Law
Encino Man
Dreamcatcher (First half- second half is NOPE)
Knock Knock
The Wave
Allegiant
Baskin
Everybody Wants Some!!
Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 2
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials
The Losers (2010)
Suicide Squad
Jeff Foxworthy/Larry the Cable Guy: We've Been Thinking
Olympus Has Fallen
London Has Fallen
Mexico Barbaro
Fright Night Part II
Ghostheads 
Brooklyn (If you liked it- FINE. Don't yell at me.)

NOPE 
JeruZalem
Zombie Cop (Best title, worst movie)
Hitman
Neon Demon (Became squirmy and unwatchable even before the hideously grotesque stuff)
Joe Rogan: Triggered
Rob Zombie's 31 (Zombie is awesome and cool in every interview he gives. Then he writes movies where every character- good and bad- is a wretched and unlikable jerk. What gives?) 
Neon Maniacs
Dying of the Light
I Am Wrath (Travolta's hair is amazing, though.)
Our Brand is Crisis (Not bad, just too stressful.)
The Forest 
Zombie (Way worse than I remembered it- props for the NYC scenes, though!)
Lucy
Vacation
Gymkata (Just watch clips of the fights on YouTube- the movie itself drags)
Jaws 3
Inherent Vice
Funny or Die Presents: Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie
Punk's Dead: SLC Punk 2
Shock 'em Dead


-Phony McFakename

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2 comments:

  1. So, Zombie is a no? It's been on my To Watch list for years. Is the zombie vs. tiger shark scene worth watching it for? That just sounds so wrong it has to be cool.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The shark scene is legend, but you can see it on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOSN2s8FY8Q

    And the gore is all great. It's just a sloppy, badly written mess all around. I liked it much more as a 12-year-old.

    ReplyDelete