Even an organization that agrees with its basic premise1 kicked the film to the curb. I mean, this is too good for a footnote:
"Most Christians within the world of the movie...are portrayed as insistent, crazy,
delusional, or at the very least just really annoying. They want churches to
book whole theaters and take their congregations, want it to be a Youth Group
event...want the system to churn away, all the while netting them
cash, without [caring] a shred about actual Christian belief.
They want to trick you into caring about the movie. Don't."
Ouch.
So we're agreed, yes? This movie sucks, yes?2
Okay.
Now let's talk about the parts of "Left Behind" that were actually kind of good!
The Disappearing Kid
Okay, the opening drags on and on. Bad characters are badly established and a bunch of pointless stuff happens, and right when you find yourself thinking "Jeez, when is something gonna happ-"
BOOM.
A little boy hugging his sister dissolves into empty clothes.
I admit- they got me there. I gasped. It makes the clunky, overlong first act feel like clever plotting- turning the slow pace into a bait-and-switch that ends with an unnerving jolt.
And focusing on one disappearance was clever. Sure, there's chaos everywhere in the next scene as we see that people disappeared worldwide. But the Rapture's strike is kept intimate and personal by hitting a character we know. Large-scale disaster scenes, no matter how good the CGI, tend to lack oomph because a huge number of stranger deaths is never gonna have the impact of a single acquaintance death.
Freaky Flyers
Most of the movie takes place on a plane where one-note stereotype characters argue or panic. Now that's not good, but what is good is that they come up with multiple theories about what happened.
They discuss the possibility of an advanced weapons test making people disappear, alien abductions, and one woman even loses her mind and comes up with an elaborate conspiracy about her ex-husband faking the whole thing to steal her child.
These are great because the characters don't just saw "OMG it's the Rapture!" or "If only I'd confessed my faith in Jesus I would have been taken up, as well!" They actually discuss several possibilities and have believable conversations that ultimately make it more effective and credible when someone finally throws out the idea that maybe God was involved.
You can't expect nuance from a movie about the Rapture, but delaying the divine revelation in a group of unbelievers was a very wise move.
Nicolas Cage's Best Performance in Decades
I'm not kidding.
Cage plays his role with subtlety and a lot of heart. Try to say that about any other movie he's done since "Leaving Las Vegas."
There are a few glitches in his delivery here and there, but at no point does he do any classic Nicolas Cage tomfoolery like bug-eyes, sneering, throwing his head back, gesticulating wildly, or even shouting. He keeps his cool and makes this entire film seem more professional as a result.
Slick Visuals
It looks good, too!
If you freeze-frame almost any shot in this film, it looks like a real movie.3
Even most of the computer effects are okay-looking. Better than your average TV show, at least. The film's budget isn't huge- $16 million- but every dollar is on the screen. That's a respectable achievement.
Various Terrifying Bits
-There's a sign on the street next to a Raptured dude that said "The End is Near" with the "Near" crossed out in blood so now it says "The End is Here."
-A looter gets blasted by a shotgun point-blank and our leading lady comes face to face with the gun-wielding shopkeeper, who stares blank and wide-eyed at her in an oddly affecting slo-mo scene.
-The balloons. Oh, the balloons. At the mall right after the Rapture hits, there's a shot of multiple balloons floating up into the air, the children who once held them being gone. There's also some intense shots of parents freaking out about their kids being gone, but the balloons are much more effective and eloquent.
-The abandoned cars. I don't think the previous "Left Behind" movies did this,4 but there are some hard-hitting scenes of abandoned cars crashing into malls, slamming into other cars in parking lots, and one bus that flies off the edge of a bridge.5
Conclusion
It's still not good.
But these cool bits show what it could have been if they'd taken some time and effort with the script and the details.
They're threatening to make a sequel, so if the people who made this film are reading this,6 here's a piece of advice- get an atheist to direct the next one.
Yes, I'm serious, and don't call me "Shirley." William Peter Blatty chose atheist William Friedkin to direct the adaptation of Blatty's novel, "The Exorcist." He wanted an objective viewpoint to keep the film grounded and thus scarier. If it's good enough for "The Exorcist," it's good enough for you.
"Left Behind" is at its best when it's intense and playing out like a standard sf/ horror thriller. Whenever it gets preachy or overly melodramatic, it falls flat. Yes, it's a movie with an agenda- warning people- but your religious message belongs in the subtext. Don't spell it out. When you do, you'll always come off as condescending or insulting.
Make a scary movie and keep your theological axe behind your back next time. If people want to seek out your axe, they'll do it on their own.
1. Full disclosure: I don't. If you do, that's fine. I believe crazy things, too.
2. We don't need to talk about the "Left Behind" books or the previous movies, do we? We do? Okay, real quick: I read the first five pages of "Left Behind" and found the prose unbearably bad and insultingly heavy-handed. I saw the first two movies. They were ugh, didn't even work on a so-bad-it's-good level. I skipped the third one, "Left Behind: World at War." I suspect I didn't miss anything. Was Kirk Cameron in that one, too? I'm too lazy to look that up. Also I heard that when Jesus appears in the 12th book, he says something like "My beloved people, gather on my right hand. Your left." That's hilarious, but I wonder if it was intended that way.
3. That sounds like damning it with faint praise, but if you saw the original 1999 "Left Behind," you know that's a legitimate achievement for this franchise.
4. They may have, I'm not going back to check.
5. This last one happened almost an hour after the Rapture hit, so you have to wonder what kind of vacant roads that abandoned bus had been cruising on to get a clear path for so long. Also I didn't see any "In Case of Rapture, This Vehicle Will Be Driverless" bumper stickers on any of the cars. Those peeps all dropped the ball there.
6. And they might be, because this is probably the only place on the internet with anything nice to say about their movie!
-Phony McFakename
Most of the movie takes place on a plane where one-note stereotype characters argue or panic. Now that's not good, but what is good is that they come up with multiple theories about what happened.
They discuss the possibility of an advanced weapons test making people disappear, alien abductions, and one woman even loses her mind and comes up with an elaborate conspiracy about her ex-husband faking the whole thing to steal her child.
These are great because the characters don't just saw "OMG it's the Rapture!" or "If only I'd confessed my faith in Jesus I would have been taken up, as well!" They actually discuss several possibilities and have believable conversations that ultimately make it more effective and credible when someone finally throws out the idea that maybe God was involved.
You can't expect nuance from a movie about the Rapture, but delaying the divine revelation in a group of unbelievers was a very wise move.
Nicolas Cage's Best Performance in Decades
Cage plays his role with subtlety and a lot of heart. Try to say that about any other movie he's done since "Leaving Las Vegas."
There are a few glitches in his delivery here and there, but at no point does he do any classic Nicolas Cage tomfoolery like bug-eyes, sneering, throwing his head back, gesticulating wildly, or even shouting. He keeps his cool and makes this entire film seem more professional as a result.
Slick Visuals
It looks good, too!
If you freeze-frame almost any shot in this film, it looks like a real movie.3
Even most of the computer effects are okay-looking. Better than your average TV show, at least. The film's budget isn't huge- $16 million- but every dollar is on the screen. That's a respectable achievement.
Various Terrifying Bits
-There's a sign on the street next to a Raptured dude that said "The End is Near" with the "Near" crossed out in blood so now it says "The End is Here."
-A looter gets blasted by a shotgun point-blank and our leading lady comes face to face with the gun-wielding shopkeeper, who stares blank and wide-eyed at her in an oddly affecting slo-mo scene.
-The balloons. Oh, the balloons. At the mall right after the Rapture hits, there's a shot of multiple balloons floating up into the air, the children who once held them being gone. There's also some intense shots of parents freaking out about their kids being gone, but the balloons are much more effective and eloquent.
-The abandoned cars. I don't think the previous "Left Behind" movies did this,4 but there are some hard-hitting scenes of abandoned cars crashing into malls, slamming into other cars in parking lots, and one bus that flies off the edge of a bridge.5
Conclusion
It's still not good.
But these cool bits show what it could have been if they'd taken some time and effort with the script and the details.
They're threatening to make a sequel, so if the people who made this film are reading this,6 here's a piece of advice- get an atheist to direct the next one.
Yes, I'm serious, and don't call me "Shirley." William Peter Blatty chose atheist William Friedkin to direct the adaptation of Blatty's novel, "The Exorcist." He wanted an objective viewpoint to keep the film grounded and thus scarier. If it's good enough for "The Exorcist," it's good enough for you.
"Left Behind" is at its best when it's intense and playing out like a standard sf/ horror thriller. Whenever it gets preachy or overly melodramatic, it falls flat. Yes, it's a movie with an agenda- warning people- but your religious message belongs in the subtext. Don't spell it out. When you do, you'll always come off as condescending or insulting.
Make a scary movie and keep your theological axe behind your back next time. If people want to seek out your axe, they'll do it on their own.
* * *
1. Full disclosure: I don't. If you do, that's fine. I believe crazy things, too.
2. We don't need to talk about the "Left Behind" books or the previous movies, do we? We do? Okay, real quick: I read the first five pages of "Left Behind" and found the prose unbearably bad and insultingly heavy-handed. I saw the first two movies. They were ugh, didn't even work on a so-bad-it's-good level. I skipped the third one, "Left Behind: World at War." I suspect I didn't miss anything. Was Kirk Cameron in that one, too? I'm too lazy to look that up. Also I heard that when Jesus appears in the 12th book, he says something like "My beloved people, gather on my right hand. Your left." That's hilarious, but I wonder if it was intended that way.
3. That sounds like damning it with faint praise, but if you saw the original 1999 "Left Behind," you know that's a legitimate achievement for this franchise.
4. They may have, I'm not going back to check.
5. This last one happened almost an hour after the Rapture hit, so you have to wonder what kind of vacant roads that abandoned bus had been cruising on to get a clear path for so long. Also I didn't see any "In Case of Rapture, This Vehicle Will Be Driverless" bumper stickers on any of the cars. Those peeps all dropped the ball there.
6. And they might be, because this is probably the only place on the internet with anything nice to say about their movie!
-Phony McFakename
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