Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Literateur: Atheism in Horror Fiction

So I was reading the new F. Paul Wilson book, like I always do.1
And on page 192, something bad happens, like it always does.

And the main character has this thought, like he always does:

"What kind of world allowed that to happen? Who was in charge? Obviously no one."

This sentiment is expressed in about 95% of the horror books I read. And I just shrug it off and keep reading, every time.

But this time, I was like "How does this prove that? When things were going well for you and you were happy and enjoying your life, did that prove that someone was in charge of the world? Did that prove that this was a good world?"

The shallow knee-jerk religious philosophy expressed here- and in just about every book by this author that I love- finally got on my nerves.

The question of "Why do bad things happen to good people?" is as old as time itself. Job's story is millennia old and its answers are cold comfort when you're in the midst of suffering.2

So I'm not gonna try to solve the problem of pain. Or try to defend my beliefs.3 Or even take issue with atheism.4

Let's just talk about atheism in horror fiction.

Now of course, there are horror authors that believe in something. To cite the horror elephant in the room, Stephen King repeatedly stated his belief in a Higher Power. He's way outnumbered, though: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_atheist_authors. Not to mention horror legends Bentley Little, Robert M. Price, Jack Ketchum, Joe R. Lansdale, David Cronenberg, Robert E. Howard, F. Paul Wilson, Thomas Ligotti, and- I'm pretty sure- Brian Keene and Richard Laymon.

Whether God actually exists or not, why is atheism the genre's default position?

You probably have to start with Lovecraft. He was a staunch atheist.5 And his atheism permeated all his fiction- his cosmos, full of every monster and alien conceivable,6 was relentlessly rational. Mankind was nothing special. For him, we're an evolutionary accident that will be trodden down by the Elder Gods once they awaken. We're not even worthy of their contempt, we're just a trifle to exterminate so that they can fully dominate our world.7

The sense of hopeless dread permeates Lovecraft's work.8 And maybe the notion that no one is going to save you, no one's going to protect you, and there's nothing to look forward to when you die is just a notion that's a good fit for horror, where fear of the unknown and jangling of the nerves are the main attraction.9

Maybe a God-free existence where death is truly the end is just irresistible to horror. It raises the stakes. It puts you in the position of thinking that if you don't survive- you're done. Over. When a killer takes a life, that's it. The end. The victim no longer exists. God is not going to make it right. The cosmic scales of justice will never be tipped back into balance. Good and bad are arbitrary and it all comes out to what you make of it.10

So atheism makes sense from a narrative usefulness standpoint.

But to circle back to the initial point- a bad thing happening does not prove that there is no God, any more than a good thing happening proves that there is a God.11

There are a ton of great reasons not to believe in a higher power, but this is not one of them.
So horror authors- come up with better reasons for your characters' lack of belief, or just leave your characters' beliefs off the table. They rarely affect the plot, and us readers are here to enjoy a story, not get preached at.12

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1. This is his 22nd "Repairman Jack" novel and yes, I've read them all.

2. You know the stuff- God's testing you, appreciate the good things while you've got them, things can always get worse, suffering is something you just have to endure, etc.

3. Full disclosure: I believe.

4. Full disclosure: Many of my friends are atheists. And they never, ever bug me about being religious and they pretty much never evangelize. They're nice people who would be the same nice people if they were Lutheran or Muslim. I have zero beef with unbelief.

5. He was also racist, sexist, xenophobic, and socially awkward. He's not the best example if you're looking for moral or spiritual guidance.

6. And inconceivable!

7. The idea that Lovecraft's creatures hate us is a misunderstanding of his mythos based more on the authors that followed in his footsteps- especially August Derleth- than anything he actually said or wrote.)

8. And often causes Lovecraft's protagonists to faint.

9. Stephen King proposed a notion of the afterlife in his recent novel, "Revival," that's even grimmer than anything Lovecraft wrote. SPOILER ALERT: In that book- when we die, no matter what we did with our lives, we end up being slaves to hideous oversize insect creatures in a desolate landscape for eternity. Bummer.*

10. Of course, atheism can be exhilarating, too. The notion of controlling your own destiny, defining yourself purely on your own, and finding or creating meaning independent of any preexisting doctrine or philosophy are all worthwhile pursuits for a life without God. But in terms of horror, you have to look at atheism in terms of its utility. Does it make things scarier? If so- it's probably a helpful tool.

11. Also- "God didn't answer me immediately when I prayed for the first time in my life, so that proves he's not there!" Not a valid argument, either. Lookin' at you, Brian Keene's otherwise excellent novel "Terminal."

12. This goes for religious authors, as well- if your character's a Christian just like you, don't bother us with that unless it's actually essential to the plot. You're annoying the people who disagree with you, and you're just distracting the choir that you're preaching to.

*Footnote to a footnote- a mini-review of "Revival," since it's relevant to our topic. With its nightmarishly despairing glimpse of the next world, it took Stephen King 400 pages to do what "Torchwood" did in the opening sequence of its first episode.

King plays with "De Vermis Mysteriis"- a legit but less popular fictional tome than "The Necronomicon"- and has some mythos-y stuff go on, but when you've read as much mythos fiction as I have, 380 pages of buildup followed by a brief glimpse of a blank landscape with crumbling buildings and slave-driving giant ants isn't that impressive.

The core of the book is also this atheist screed that's basically:

1) People can be awful. (Agreed)
2) People believe different things. (Agreed)
3) People do bad things. (Agreed)
4) Therefore God doesn't exist.

Bah. I think point 1 cancels out points 2 and 3. People lying to each other or being fanatical about their beliefs or committing atrocities has more to do with their being awful people than about whether or not God exists. I always thought bad things happening to good people was a pretty weak excuse for not believing. This book really forces the issue in a clumsy, adolescent way.

New rule- it's only impressive if a character is a) an atheist who's happy, lived a charmed life, has a healthy relationship with his family and friends, and no real reason to complain OR b) a believer who's been through the grinder and been cheated on, had loved ones die before their time, been abused, etc. I'm officially "meh" on traumatized atheists and charmed-life theists. Losing your faith under pressure isn't interesting and keeping your faith when your faith is never really challenged is meaningless.


-Phony McFakename
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Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Earworm Analysis: "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury "Pour Some Sugar on Me," not to praise it.

Well, not bury it, so much as elevate all the other songs on Def Leppard's 1987 "Hysteria" album.
"Hysteria" is a gem. Every song swings for the fences.1 It took them three years to write and record the album. The band didn't quit even when their drummer lost an arm. That's dedication.

Pick any random song on the album and it sounds like a single.2 They're all rigorously engineered with triumphant arena sing-along choruses.

-"Women" has a soaring opening vocal/ guitar hook and an interesting note of melancholy along with the triumph.3

-"Rocket" manages to be stellar and hard-charging despite wandering around aimlessly for a minute or two near the end.

-"Animal" is one of the best love songs of the 80's.

-"Love Bites" is a near-perfect dysfunctional love song.4

-"Hysteria" is a wonderfully haunting ballad.5

-"Armageddon It," "Gods of War," "Don't Shoot Shotgun," and "Run Riot" are perfectly solid rock anthems.6

They're mostly silly adolescent sex fantasies, too. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" is the worst offender in this regard.

I do not understand why people love this song so much. And I am fully embracing the stupidity of every song on this album, loving it despite its flaws.

"Pour Some Sugar On Me" is about as eloquent as Spinal Tap's "Big Bottom." It sounds more like a spoof of a sexist rock song than a real sexist rock song. But I don't believe it's a spoof. The band's innuendo, playful on "Armageddon It" and "Rocket," is as subtle as a sledgehammer here.7

"You got the peaches, I got the cream."

We see what you did there. We understand. Got the visual. Do we need to know this thing?

"You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more."

We also understand this. Why are you saying this thing to us? And why are you telling us to squeeze twice if you only want the squeezing done "a little"? Wouldn't one imperative command to "squeeze" you be sufficient?

I'm not denying that the guitar hook is solid. I'm not denying that it has a soaring chorus. Nor that it's well-produced. But these things are true of every song on "Hysteria."

Of all the songs Def Leppard wrote, this is the one most blatantly written by their collective penis. So if that's the kind of song you like, then keep encouraging it by singing along when it comes on the radio EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

Just be aware- the Leppard did so many more commendable songs, and they're on the same album!8

* * *

1. Even the songs they decided to leave off the album, such as "Ring of Fire," are awesome.

2. And according to Wikipedia- there were seven singles off it. I had no idea "Women" was a single. But name ONE other album that spawned seven singles.

3. And there was a video for "Women" that I only just discovered thanks to YouTube. A very craptastique video. They produced an entire comic book for it with a ridiculous sci-fi adolescent sexual fantasy storyline and show you every frame over the course of the video. This was a few years before comics got fashionable and saturated the market, so props to the Leppard for being ahead of their time.

4. Perfect lyrics are perfect: "Love bites, love bleeds, it's bringin' me to my knees/Love lives, love dies, it's no surprise/Love begs, love pleads"...and then the kicker line..."It's what I need."*

5. Though I'm gonna have to ding them for "Oh, I get hysterical, hysteria/It's such a magical mysteria." You ain't Shakespeare, you don't get to just make up words at random.

6. And yeah, the album's last two songs, "Excitable" and "Love and Affection" are forgettable. Nobody bats 1000. They're not bad songs, just okay.

7. However, I will give them full points for "Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp/Demolition woman, can I be your man?" That's a straight-up interesting collection of words.

8. Not to mention the gems on their previous album, like "Photograph," "Foolin'," "Stagefright," "Rock of Ages." and "Rock! Rock! (Til You Drop)." On that last one- I'm a fan of songs that put half their title in parentheses. It's like they added a footnote to their song to clarify their intention or give you a word of caution. I mean- they want you to ROCK! and ROCK!, but for goodness' sake, stop rocking once you drop. That's good advice.

*Footnote to a footnote- in case the "Love Bites" lyrics sound similar to Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine," please note that "Love Bites" came out a year before that song. And is much better.


-Phony McFakename

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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Literateur: Brian Lumley's Dreamlands

Confession: I don't always love H.P. Lovecraft.

I love him when he's lovable, but let's be honest- his dream cycle stories are rambling messes. A bunch of random stuff happens and then it's over.

So I was skeptical when I heard Brian Lumley wrote a series set in Lovecraft's dreamland. But then I was blown away by Lumley's take on Lovecraft.

So I gave it a shot and read the first book, "Hero of Dreams":
Well...

It's a rambling mess. A bunch of random stuff happens and then it's over.

I felt like Michael Bluth in "Arrested Development" when he sees the bag marked "Dead Dove" and looks inside the bag. He seas a dead dove, then sighs, wondering why he looked.
The central problem with this book, and Lovecraft's dream stories, is that there are no clear rules or boundaries to the milieu, so anything's possible.

Lumley even admits that the story sucks in the text of the book:

David Hero1 and Eldin the Wanderer, grown closer now than brothers and questing after- what? But questing, anyway.

And thus a lampshade is hung on the fact that our quest is going nowhere, pretty early in the book.

And when these characters are confronted about the fact that their adventures are pointless, what happens?

"We've roved and robbed half across dreamland, always in search of-"

"In search of?" Borak prompted him. "Of what? Wealth, a good woman, a place to settle, adventure, life...death?"

"All of those things," Eldin snarled., suddenly impatient and curiously peeved by Borak's questioning.

That's what happens. When confronted by the fact that your character's actions are fundamentally pointless, Lumley gets angry and defensive.

I was hoping that this was a confession early in the book that the dream stories are normally pointless and we're about to take a ride that will change our whole perspective on them as Lumley does something very different with the concept. And it starts promising- he discusses dreams from a scientific perspective and it seems like he's about to deconstruct the whole dreamland concept, making me cautiously optimistic.2

But nope. They proceed to have a random adventure where nothing makes sense and there are no clear rules. Our Hero is seeking magic wands to fight back Cthulhu's influence in the dreamland. It's a typical sword-and-sorcery McQuest with typical macguffins. The two main characters- Eldin and Hero- are two solutions in search of a problem. That's bad storytelling.3

There's no suspense or interplay between reality and the dreams, either. Except for in the first couple chapters and an abrupt epilogue, we're just in the dreamland here. There's all kinds of missed potential there. Lumley could have had Hero leave his friend hanging in the dreamland by waking up, then maybe finding himself unable to return to the right spot in his dreams and having to perform some ritual or something to dream the right way. Something like that. Anything. Throw us a bone here!

A huge problem in Lovecraft- weak, reactive protagonists- is fixed here. The main character starts as a very dull Lovecraftian introverted artist, but then he comes to life and gets proactive.

However, the main- and arguably only- strength in Lovecraft's dream stuff is lengthy and vivid descriptions. And Lumley comes up pretty bland in that department. There are plenty of fun elements- crazy wizards, night-gaunts, talking trees- but for a fantasy novel about a dream world, it's surprisingly colorless.

Two key principles this story ignores:

-Sanderson's Second Law: if you want to use magic, you put limits on that magic.

-Orson Scott Card's unofficial fantasy principle: if anything is possible, nothing matters.

Now, this was written before those guys gave that advice- 1986- so Lumley should probably be excused. I'll consider it. He's on probation with me.

On the plus side, a character says this at one point:

"You sex-besotted clown!"

So it's not all bad.

If you liked Lovecraft's tedious and rambling dream stories, here's another one. It's better-written and easier to read than Lovecraft's. So there's that. But you'd be better off reading any of Lumley's "Titus Crow" stories instead. Do that now and thank me later.

* * *

1. Yes, the main character's name is "Hero." I know. Don't get me started.

2. Lumley earned my faith on this matter, as he took stale Lovecraftian tropes and gave them a unique and zazzy spin in his "Titus Crow" tales, such as explaining the anti-monster magic in a scientific way. That was good stuff.

3. They're likeable enough rogues in the tradition of Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser, but they deserve a better story and setting than this.


-Phony McFakename

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Legal disclaimer: Me am on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and YouTube and even Pinterest if that's your thing. And me books am on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Kobo and probably some other places, too.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Comical Books: The End of "Deadpool"

Deadpool is getting his own movie next year. So let's talk about his most recent comic run.
Comedian/ musician Brian Posehn wrote this 48-issue series.1 He's a perfect fit for the character, and this is a worthy follow-up to Daniel Way's character-reviving run on the comic.

Brief background on Deadpool, for the uninitiated: he's basically Wolverine without claws or metal skeleton. And with a demented, reality-bending sense of humor.

It starts quite hilariously, with endless fourth-wall breaking and satire and wisecracks and wonderfulness.

Then it treads water for a dozen issues or two.2

Then it comes back to life near the end and you get a lot of good jokes and punchline payoffs.

Highlights: Deadpool joining forces with the ghosts of the Founding Fathers. Deadpool taking on S.H.I.E.L.D. Deadpool teaming up with the ridiculous character, DAZZLER. Deadpool gets married.

Oh, and Deadpool dies at the end. Spoiler alert for the previous sentence.3

Now with Marvel comics, you can't take any death seriously. So I'm highly skeptical about Deadpool's demise, even though they made it very dramatic and decisive. With Deadpool's movie coming out soon, his character is a license to print money.4

This was a cool run, overall. Ups and downs, like any series. A legit entry point for new readers and fun for longtime fans.

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1. Which I read as 8 trade paperbacks because I can't be bothered to read individual issues. I'm not too old for comics, but I am too old to collect single issues.

2. Most of the spirit-possession stuff is just boring. But you get some cool one-shots along the way where issues pretend to be rejected issues from the 80's or 90's and are thick with retro references.

3. Also Deadpool's death was a huge bit of comics news, so if you didn't know, there's a good chance comics aren't a big enough deal for you to be bothered by this reveal.

4. Unless the movie screws him up as badly as the last movie he was in, the unbelievably bad "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," where they actually sewed Deadpool's mouth up at the end. He's the "Merc with a Mouth" and they removed his mouth. Whose idea was that?


-Phony McFakename

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Legal disclaimer: Me am on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and YouTube and even Pinterest if that's your thing. And me books am on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Kobo and probably some other places, too.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Literateur: "The Dracula Tape" by Fred Saberhagen

In 1975, Fred Saberhagen took us inside Dracula's head and gave us his side of the story with "The Dracula Tape."
"Interview With the Vampire" came out the next year. Coincidence?1

It's a fun read. Dracula makes no apologies for being a vampire and says it's no worse than being human. We eat meat, he eats blood, so hey.

Now, the elephant in the room: it's padded. It reproduces huge chunks of the text from Stoker's "Dracula" when it could have just given us abridgments.2

Nowhere is this more clear than in this line:
"Van Helsing's answer was yes. I paraphrase, omitting some five hundred words."

You could've omitted words more consistently, Fred!

Now let's look at Dracula's claims in this book and see if they hold up under scrutiny when we compare them to Stoker's depiction. And yes, I know these are both works of fiction.3 Let's clap our hands if we believe in fairies and pretend they're real, for fun's sake.

Harker's Castle Visit

This is a tricky one, because Jonathan Harker's journal makes his stay at the castle sound like a non-stop nightmare. Not so, says the vampire:

-When Harker cuts himself shaving and Dracula lunges at his neck...

Dracula claims he was actually concerned for Harker's safety and wanted to help him quickly stop the flow of blood. His defense is basically "Yeah, I like blood, and I find it attractive, but I can control my urges. Do you human males attack and lunge at every woman who you find attractive? You do not. So there."

-When Harker sees Dracula hand what appears to be a baby in a bag to his vampire mistresses...

Dracula says that was actually a baby pig he was feeding to his fellow vampires and shame on Harker for having such a depraved mind to think Dracula would kill an innocent human baby.

-When that gypsy woman storms Dracula's castle gates and demands the return of her child...

Dracula says Harker mistranslated what she said- she was actually petitioning Dracula for help in finding her child. She wasn't accusing him of taking her child.

-When Dracula seemingly blocks Jonathan Harker's exit from the castle with wolves under his control...

Dracula says he actually invited the wolves there to accompany Harker on his journey and make sure he was unmolested on his way through the dangerous mountain terrain. He had no intention of forcing Harker to stay against his will!

The Boat Ride

-When everyone on the crew dies on Dracula's fateful boat trip from Transylvania to England...

Dracula claims there was a first mate who went nuts and started killing people and throwing them overboard and when everyone was dead, he hurled himself off the boat. This was the first point in the story where I didn't believe Dracula at all.

Lucy

-When Lucy is seduced by Dracula and turned into a vampire...

Dracula owns up to it. He did it. But he claims it was consensual. And that he didn't respect the guy Lucy was engaged to, so he felt no guilt stepping in there. He was very Vanilla Ice about it: "Drop that zero and get with the hero."

-When Dracula turns Lucy into a vampire...

Again, he admits it. He says humans reproduce, so why shouldn't he? And that again, it was totally consensual.

Mina

-When Dracula seduces Mina...

Surprise! He admits it, but same as Lucy, says it was consensual.

-When Mina claims Dracula attacked her and she's terrified of him...

Dracula says they came up with that cover story together and she said it so that no one would know how truly in love she was with Dracula. They were planning to elope together.

Renfield

-So what about the bug-eating deranged Dracula slave, Renfield?

Dracula says he always thought he was nuts. He was just humoring Renfield whenever he talked to him. He treated him like an obsessed fanboy and that he never promised to free Renfield or turn him into a fellow vampire.

-So why did Dracula kill Renfield?

He says it was because Renfield lusted after Mina and claimed that if he was ever freed, he'd assault her. Dracula said "No me gusta" and whacked Renfield to keep Mina safe.

Van Helsing

-And what's up with Van Helsing, the original Buffy?

Dracula says the dude was almost as nuts as Renfield. He claims Van Helsing was a bloodthirsty fanatic who wanted to kill vampires to gratify his urges to hurt others. Dracula claims he talked to Van Helsing one-on-one and said he wanted peace, but that Van Helsing wanted war and didn't care who got hurt in the process.

-What about the blood transfusions and all the science Van Helsing used, trying to save lives?

Dracula said Van Helsing was ignorant and doing more harm than good. He says the blood transfusions actually hurt their recipients and that modern day science would show that Van Helsing was  mixing incompatible blood types and making Lucy sick.

Dracula claims he warned Van Helsing that his medical techniques were barabaric and Van Helsing admitted Dracula might be right, but he kept doing transfusions anyway. This sets up Dracula's claim that he drained Lucy's blood in order to PROTECT her from the faulty transfusion.

Verdict

I think Dracula's mostly telling the truth in "The Dracula Tape." I'm willing to allow that he's not the super-evil monster Stoker made him out to be.

A lot of the stuff in the castle sounds like it was cultural misunderstanding due to Harker's London-centrism and social awkwardness due to Dracula living alone for a century or two.

And Dracula's unrepentant honesty about his Lucy and Mina shenanigans also lends credibility to his defense against the nastier accusations.4

This is a totally complete and satisfying book and I thought it was a stand-alone. But I just Wikipedia'd the author and as it turns out, this is Book One in a ten book Series. Ugh. That makes me like it less. Not everything needs to be a never-ending franchise!

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1. Well, yes. It is a coincidence. "Interview With the Vampire" was based on a story Rice wrote in 1968, so fair enough, it's a coincidence.

2. We've all read "Dracula," amiright? Even if you haven't, you know the story. If you don't- well...Saberhagen's gratuitous quoting from "Dracula" might actually be helpful for you.

3. Dracula is based on a real historical figure, though- Vlad Tepes. Mean guy. He'd as soon impale ya as look at ya.

4. I still say Dracula devoured everyone on that boat, though. No way I believe some crazy first mate did that.


-Phony McFakename

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Legal disclaimer: Me am on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and YouTube and even Pinterest if that's your thing. And me books am on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and Kobo and probably some other places, too.