Earworm Analysis: "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury "Pour Some Sugar on Me," not to praise it.

Well, not bury it, so much as elevate all the other songs on Def Leppard's 1987 "Hysteria" album.

"Hysteria" is a gem. Every song swings for the fences.¹ It took them three years to write and record the album. The band didn't quit even when their drummer lost an arm. That's dedication.

Pick any random song on the album and it sounds like a single.² They're all rigorously engineered with triumphant arena sing-along choruses.

-"Women" has a soaring opening vocal/ guitar hook and an interesting note of melancholy along with the triumph.³

-"Rocket" manages to be stellar and hard-charging despite wandering around aimlessly for a minute or two near the end.

-"Animal" is one of the best love songs of the 80's.

-"Love Bites" is a near-perfect dysfunctional love song.⁴

-"Hysteria" is a wonderfully haunting ballad.⁵

-"Armageddon It," "Gods of War," "Don't Shoot Shotgun," and "Run Riot" are perfectly solid rock anthems.⁶

They're mostly silly adolescent sex fantasies, too. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" is the worst offender in this regard.

I do not understand why people love this song so much. And I am fully embracing the stupidity of every song on this album, loving it despite its flaws.

"Pour Some Sugar On Me" is about as eloquent as Spinal Tap's "Big Bottom." It sounds more like a spoof of a sexist rock song than a real sexist rock song. But I don't believe it's a spoof. The band's innuendo, playful on "Armageddon It" and "Rocket," is as subtle as a sledgehammer here.⁷

"You got the peaches, I got the cream."

We see what you did there. We understand. Got the visual. Do we need to know this thing?

"You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more."

We also understand this. Why are you saying this thing to us? And why are you telling us to squeeze twice if you only want the squeezing done "a little"? Wouldn't one imperative command to "squeeze" you be sufficient?

I'm not denying that the guitar hook is solid. I'm not denying that it has a soaring chorus. Nor that it's well-produced. But these things are true of every song on "Hysteria."

Of all the songs Def Leppard wrote, this is the one most blatantly written by their collective penis. So if that's the kind of song you like, then keep encouraging it by singing along when it comes on the radio EVERY FIVE MINUTES.

Just be aware- the Leppard did so many more commendable songs, and they're on the same album!⁸

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1. Even the songs they decided to leave off the album, such as "Ring of Fire," are awesome.

2. And according to Wikipedia- there were seven singles off it. I had no idea "Women" was a single. But name ONE other album that spawned seven singles.

3. And there was a video for "Women" that I only just discovered thanks to YouTube. A very craptastique video. They produced an entire comic book for it with a ridiculous sci-fi adolescent sexual fantasy storyline and show you every frame over the course of the video. This was a few years before comics got fashionable and saturated the market, so props to the Leppard for being ahead of their time.

4. Perfect lyrics are perfect: "Love bites, love bleeds, it's bringin' me to my knees/Love lives, love dies, it's no surprise/Love begs, love pleads"...and then the kicker line..."It's what I need."*

5. Though I'm gonna have to ding them for "Oh, I get hysterical, hysteria/It's such a magical mysteria." You ain't Shakespeare, you don't get to just make up words at random.

6. And yeah, the album's last two songs, "Excitable" and "Love and Affection" are forgettable. Nobody bats 1000. They're not bad songs, just okay.

7. However, I will give them full points for "Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp/Demolition woman, can I be your man?" That's a straight-up interesting collection of words.

8. Not to mention the gems on their previous album, like "Photograph," "Foolin'," "Stagefright," "Rock of Ages." and "Rock! Rock! (Til You Drop)." On that last one- I'm a fan of songs that put half their title in parentheses. It's like they added a footnote to their song to clarify their intention or give you a word of caution. I mean- they want you to ROCK! and ROCK!, but for goodness' sake, stop rocking once you drop. That's good advice.

*Footnote to a footnote- in case the "Love Bites" lyrics sound similar to Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine," please note that "Love Bites" came out a year before that song. And is much better.

-Phony McFakename

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