Weekly Blog Post

At some point in 2015, I decided I'd write a blog post every week whether I had something to say or not.

So far, so good!

Apropos of nothing, I recently saw Heathers again for the first time in decades. Bizarre piece of work, and it holds up painfully well in a lot of ways. Here's the best quotes:

Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend!

J.D.: And your worst enemy.

Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.

Pauline Fleming: Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.

Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary, my teen-angst bulls**t now has a body count.

Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game show host.

J.D.: The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in Heaven.

Veronica Sawyer: Your day dreams are a lot better than my reality, believe me.

J.D.: Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.

Heather Duke: Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.

J.D.: The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Veronica Sawyer: Betty Finn was a true friend, and I traded her out for a bunch of swatch-dogs and diet-cokeheads.

Heather Chandler: F**k me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Teresa?

Kurt's Dad: I love my dead gay son!

J.D.: Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.

Veronica Sawyer: What's your damage, Heather?

Veronica Sawyer: How very.

Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?

Veronica: You know what I want, babe?

J.D.: What?

Veronica: Cool guys like you out of my life.

Heather Chandler: Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87.

Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

Heather McNamara: Probably.

Veronica: That knife is filthy.

J.D.: What do you think I’m going to do with it, take out her tonsils?

Veronica: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.

Heather Chandler: Is this a weak turnout or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.

Veronica: I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename

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I exist on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. And my Phony books are on Amazon here and my "legitimate" books are on Amazon here. Probably some other places, too.

Cinemasterworks: Last Ten Movies I Done Seen

I like those movie things. I see a lot of them. Too many. But I want to help you. So as a public service, here is a shallow-dive on the last ten movies I happen to have seen.

Black Panther

I hear this is a pretty popular one. Perhaps you've heard of it? As a Marvel movie, it's fine. As a cultural milestone, it's an A+.

Dead Shack

Old school crazy horror about a lady in a cabin in the woods who hunts people to feed to her zombie kids. Mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.


New York Doll

Old favorite. Documentary about the burnout bassist from legendary punk/glam innovators New York Dolls converting to Mormonism. Moving and heartfelt.

Detroit

Intense drama reenacting the 1967 Detroit riot, focusing on a terrified group under siege from the police. Kathryn Bigelow cranks the tension, as always.

The Road Movie

If you've never seen Russian dashcam compilations, this movie will knock you out. If you have seen Russian dashcam compilations, this feature-length compilation will leave you going, "Uh, I already saw all this stuff on YouTube."

Radius

Tricky thriller where a dude who wakes up from an accident, discovers he kills anyone who comes within 50 feet of him. More weirdness ensues.

Logan Lucky

Cute, endearing West Virginia-fried heist movie. Couple of brothers rob a Nascar race. With Daniel Craig as an ugly American convict!

Ouija: Origin of Evil

Watched it on a lark. Expected total weak-sauce PG-13 teenybopper horror. A meh jump scare or two. But nope! This thing was brutal! Filmed like a 70s horror movie, the acting is all great and the scares are solid and unnerving. Eek!

The Notebook

Gotta say, the renowned (and sight-unseen-spoofed-in-Best Sellers) "white people kissing in the rain" scene was a perfunctory letdown. The emotional underpinning for the scene (heck, for the whole STORY) was a sitcom-level idiotic miscommunication. I could rant for days about the stupidity of Ryan Gosling's character sending those letters with HIS NAME AND ADDRESS on them so they could easily and obviously be intercepted by his lover's disapproving parents. My wife doesn't even think Gosling is that hot (I disagree there). But credit where it's due: the scenes with the elderly versions of the couple are tear-jerking soul-punchers, in spite of the fundamentally cheesy and predictable love story they're flashing back to.

1898: Our Last Men in the Philippines

Cool visualization of the Siege of Baler, a crazy historical incident not many people seem to know about. A dramatic end to the Spanish empire.


-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename

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I exist on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. And my Phony books are on Amazon here and my "legitimate" books are on Amazon here. Probably some other places, too.

Real Quick: Some Self-Promotion

Two things:

1) I released a new book, Mystery Shopper Menace! It's fun and cool, as are all my books, but this time with a pro-looking cover thanks to Tom Martin, lead singer of Lich King and writer of this, possibly the finest song ever written about trying to make a living as a musician. Here's his lovely cover:

2) I released it under my more real-ish sounding name, B.P. Kasik. I switched over nine of my other "Phony McFakename" books to this name, as well. The only books still under that Phony name are my super-silly Derpa Derp, Eric Roberts, and Please Don't Eat My Face! (A.K.A. PDEMF!) series. All serious-silly books from here on out will be B.P. Kasik imprints. Find them here!


-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename

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I exist on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. And my Phony books are on Amazon here and my "legitimate" books are on Amazon here. Probably some other places, too.

Favorite Quotes: February 2018

“You don’t want my hand in marriage, you want it in a sandwich!”

-Monsters

“Look at this fella - so high on goofballs and grass, he don’t know what’s going on.”

-Semi-Pro

“These are some of the happiest days I’ve ever ignored.”

-A Futile and Stupid Gesture

“If a helicopter goes too fast, will a police helicopter chase after it?”

-my son

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

-Upton Sinclair

“How’s your town?”

“We got a Dairy Queen and a Tastee Freeze.”

“Wonders never cease.”

Fargo, season 3

“Abraham Lincoln once said: ‘If you are racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles I bring to the workplace.”

-The Office

“Are you okay?”

“South of okay. North of cancer.”

-Brawl on Cell Block 99

-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename

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I exist on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. And my Phony books are on Amazon here and my "legitimate" books are on Amazon here. Probably some other places, too.