This is complicated, but stick with me.
John Russo co-wrote "Night of the Living Dead."
He and George Romero shared sequel rights.
So George Romero made "Dawn of the Dead" and John Russo wrote "Return of the Living Dead."
Romero's movie was perfect. Russo's book was wretched.1
When Hollywood adapted "Return of the Living Dead," they scrapped the book and made a totally different movie with the same title.
When it came time to release the novelization of the movie, John Russo- the author of the ignored original novel- wrote it.
Yes, this is all as crazy and tangled as it sounds.
I read the original ROTLD ("Return of the Living Dead") novel way back when, but as soon as I discovered there was a Russo-written novelization of the film, I wanted to smell this fart for myself, so I got it via inter-library loan ASAP. 2
I assume you've seen the 1985 ROTLD movie. If so- skip this paragraph. If not- you have my permission to read this paragraph. Movie plot: two schmucks in a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a chemical that brings the dead back to life. These zombies aren't all-out cannibals, they just want to eat your brains. And they tell you so. And they're fast. These things coordinate their attacks, impersonate police officers, and trap their victims. Things escalate quickly and our main characters and a group of punk kids end up under siege in a mausoleum and it ends very badly for everyone. Grim as the plot is, it's zippy and off-the-wall, with lots of physical comedy, classic lines, and great effects. Noteworthy- this is where the notion that zombies want to eat your brains came from.
Now back to the novelization. Well...
It's bad, but there's some neat stuff in here. The two main characters, Tina and Freddy, are actually given a back story that gives their relationship some resonance which is lacking in the film.
In another departure, the first resurrected zombie is attacked with an axe to the face while it's lying prone in a metal freezer drawer where it seems harmless and then it leaps up, pulls the axe out of its face and attacks, actually managing to bite one character's character in the face. Nice moment.
The zombies don't just go after brains in the novelization- they bite necks and rip out organs. It says that blood and other human body parts are slightly soothing to their hunger, but only brains fully sate them.3
One of the paramedics who arrive early on is a Vietnam vet who uses his judo skills to kung fu the zombies before he's taken down by a big fat one.4
The undead-infested cemetery gets flooded and is turned into a giant quicksand-like mudslide swamp with puddles of rain that burn to the touch, creating a "the floor is lava!" scenario. The punks leap up on tombstones to avoid touching it, adding a level of menace to the already-menacing zombies.
And the corpses that are getting embalmed in the morgue leap up and attack. That's low-hanging fruit and it's odd that the film just let those sleeping corpses lie.5
That's about it. For the most part, the book's a turd. The awkward descriptions and clumsy narrative choices are jaw-dropping. A scene where ex-Soviet spies sit around and twirl their mustaches and basically say "It's been 14 years, so those barrels we secretly planted in the U.S. should be accidentally cracking open and unleashing the zombie plague on the capitalist pigs ANY TIME NOW!" at the same time that the barrels ACCIDENTALLY break open? Nope.6
Plus Russo's stiff Christianity-obsessed, 60's slang-infused style is really really not a good fit for the movie's madcap, anarchic, very-80's, very-punk material. It's neither hep, groovy, nor a good trip.
Behold some examples of the book's literary prowess:
“Man, I don’t dig you undertaker cats!”
John Russo co-wrote "Night of the Living Dead."
He and George Romero shared sequel rights.
So George Romero made "Dawn of the Dead" and John Russo wrote "Return of the Living Dead."
Romero's movie was perfect. Russo's book was wretched.1
When Hollywood adapted "Return of the Living Dead," they scrapped the book and made a totally different movie with the same title.
When it came time to release the novelization of the movie, John Russo- the author of the ignored original novel- wrote it.
I read the original ROTLD ("Return of the Living Dead") novel way back when, but as soon as I discovered there was a Russo-written novelization of the film, I wanted to smell this fart for myself, so I got it via inter-library loan ASAP. 2
I assume you've seen the 1985 ROTLD movie. If so- skip this paragraph. If not- you have my permission to read this paragraph. Movie plot: two schmucks in a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a chemical that brings the dead back to life. These zombies aren't all-out cannibals, they just want to eat your brains. And they tell you so. And they're fast. These things coordinate their attacks, impersonate police officers, and trap their victims. Things escalate quickly and our main characters and a group of punk kids end up under siege in a mausoleum and it ends very badly for everyone. Grim as the plot is, it's zippy and off-the-wall, with lots of physical comedy, classic lines, and great effects. Noteworthy- this is where the notion that zombies want to eat your brains came from.
Now back to the novelization. Well...
In another departure, the first resurrected zombie is attacked with an axe to the face while it's lying prone in a metal freezer drawer where it seems harmless and then it leaps up, pulls the axe out of its face and attacks, actually managing to bite one character's character in the face. Nice moment.
The zombies don't just go after brains in the novelization- they bite necks and rip out organs. It says that blood and other human body parts are slightly soothing to their hunger, but only brains fully sate them.3
One of the paramedics who arrive early on is a Vietnam vet who uses his judo skills to kung fu the zombies before he's taken down by a big fat one.4
The undead-infested cemetery gets flooded and is turned into a giant quicksand-like mudslide swamp with puddles of rain that burn to the touch, creating a "the floor is lava!" scenario. The punks leap up on tombstones to avoid touching it, adding a level of menace to the already-menacing zombies.
And the corpses that are getting embalmed in the morgue leap up and attack. That's low-hanging fruit and it's odd that the film just let those sleeping corpses lie.5
That's about it. For the most part, the book's a turd. The awkward descriptions and clumsy narrative choices are jaw-dropping. A scene where ex-Soviet spies sit around and twirl their mustaches and basically say "It's been 14 years, so those barrels we secretly planted in the U.S. should be accidentally cracking open and unleashing the zombie plague on the capitalist pigs ANY TIME NOW!" at the same time that the barrels ACCIDENTALLY break open? Nope.6
Plus Russo's stiff Christianity-obsessed, 60's slang-infused style is really really not a good fit for the movie's madcap, anarchic, very-80's, very-punk material. It's neither hep, groovy, nor a good trip.
Behold some examples of the book's literary prowess:
“Man, I don’t dig you undertaker cats!”
“This place is a stroke!”
“Hey, you’re a groovy chick with everything going for you, so play it cool and stop freaking yourself out.”
”If they could agree to forget about the ghouls outside for a little while, it wasn’t a half bad setting for romance…Chuck was scared, but not that scared. His horniness was overriding his scaredness.”
“Her ability to love was tainted by her torment over whether it was truly worthwhile to love someone for a brief interlude on the way to the grave.”
“That friggin’ ghoul lady laughed at us while we were burnin’ her up! She didn’t care diddly squat!”
“’Oh…the poor creature!’ Tina wailed, stunned by the depth of his love- that he would sacrifice himself to save her even as he was turning into a monster.”
“’It ate Suicide’s brain!’
“‘That’s why it’s still hungry,’ Meat joked. ‘It didn’t hardly get enough to eat.’ Nobody laughed. ‘Suicide’s brain would barely be an appetizer,’ he added, but still nobody dug the humour.”
“’I know it sounds crazy, but there are mobs of-of cannibals down there!...Our men have been murdered by bloodthirsty, ravenous, fiendish assailants- perhaps mutants of some sort-or-or-or robots-or creatures from another planet!’”
“’Either hit me with some logic, or phone somebody else, buddy- like a shrink or a funny farm, maybe!’”
“Haircut! Like, nobody tells me how to cut my hair!”
"Man, anybody who bops on out there on his own is a real queeb.”
Four stars.
2. I guess Russo signs library books, too?
Four stars.
* * *
1. I won't go into detail on the original ROTLD novel here, but basically- a little zombie outbreak happens in rural Pennsylvania and not much happens. There was a school bus and a mausoleum and a lot of bad writing. If you want a longer explanation of this whole story and a solid analysis, check this: http://cinemachine.blogspot.com/2012/04/dan-obannons-return-of-living-dead.html2. I guess Russo signs library books, too?
3. It's possible Russo just inserted this not-only-brains idea to make the zombies more in line with what he and Romero created in "Night of the Living Dead."
4. In the movie, the paramedics are redshirts that get taken down without a fight.
5. Maybe the director realized that the corpses in the morgue weren't actually hit with the resurrection gas or the contaminated rain, so it didn't make sense? Fair enough, but it's still a nice cheap shock gag in the book.
6. In fairness, that's probably scripter Dan O'Bannon's fault, since that's a dumb idea he put in the script, not something Russo wrote originally.
-Phony McFakename
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