It went through several incarnations and rewrites over 16 years before arriving in its final form. Along the way, a lot of ideas got thrown against the wall, then scraped off, and sometimes remixed and then thrown against the wall again.
This is not a definitive list of every idea and scene that didn't make it in, just an overview, mostly of interest if you read the book, since there are a lot of indirect spoilers. So go read the book first. Then enjoy the following!
Original Ending: Anti-Fruit Beast Ray Gun
-The farmer's daughter improbably and incoherently finds a weapon labeled, "ANTI-FRUIT BEAST RAY GUN." She uses it to blow up the monster. The good cop- impressed by her awesomeness- pledges his love to her and she brushes him off.
(Can't imagine why I discarded this ending.)
Deleted Death Scenes:
-The Banana Prophet. He runs around doom-saying and warning people about the monster that's coming for them. Decided he was too on-the-nose and despite appearing in multiple scenes, his presence didn't really change the story. Plus, he gets killed halfway through, so this quirky fella has no arc and never really pays off.
-An English major who makes short movies and writes incomplete things and never follows through. He watches movies all the time to avoid reality but tells himself it’s because he just wants to learn from them. He’s too full of fear to communicate. His friend, Roy, encourages him to break free of whatever chains hold him back, and then the monster kills them. Roy had so much promise. Really quite tragic. Gratuitously so, for a couple of throwaway deaths. So this never made it past the outline.
-The Banana Prophet. He runs around doom-saying and warning people about the monster that's coming for them. Decided he was too on-the-nose and despite appearing in multiple scenes, his presence didn't really change the story. Plus, he gets killed halfway through, so this quirky fella has no arc and never really pays off.
-An English major who makes short movies and writes incomplete things and never follows through. He watches movies all the time to avoid reality but tells himself it’s because he just wants to learn from them. He’s too full of fear to communicate. His friend, Roy, encourages him to break free of whatever chains hold him back, and then the monster kills them. Roy had so much promise. Really quite tragic. Gratuitously so, for a couple of throwaway deaths. So this never made it past the outline.
-An up-and-coming metal band struggling to find a drummer getting attacked by the Fruit Beast in the parking lot by their rehearsal space. One points at the monster's foot stomping one of their friends and says, “Now THAT’S metal!” Then they all perish. Skipped writing it because the book was long enough without it.
Alternate Scene:
-The evil head of the power plant
sees the Godzilla-sized monster stomping the town and commits hari-kari. Blood
spills all over his copy of How To Cover-Up a Leak at a Nuclear Power Plant. The other nuclear plant employee sees her boss
post-suicide, reads his suicide note, then goes to her dad’s farm to warn him about
the giant Fruit Beast. But his farm has already been stomped, presumably in it. “NOOO!” she says, overcome with sorrow.
(Too dark for the book's tone.)
(Too dark for the book's tone.)
Alternate Scene:
-Toxic waste puddle melts the Fruit Beast and the cops show up after it’s disintegrated.
Papergirl: “You’re pretty useless as a cop, but you’re still kind of cute. So I might just give love a chance with you, after all.”
Papergirl: “You’re pretty useless as a cop, but you’re still kind of cute. So I might just give love a chance with you, after all.”
“I feel so objectified!” said
Goodcop.
“Yeah, you’re just there to be had.
How’s it feel?”
“I’m offended, but I have to admit
it’s interesting. I look forward to our burgeoning relationship.”
Rebelcop makes fun of him for being a boy toy.
Deleted Running Gag:
-Both cops binge-eating in every scene. It was in the original script and we filmed it. But it didn't make sense in the book.
-Both cops binge-eating in every scene. It was in the original script and we filmed it. But it didn't make sense in the book.
Deleted Scene:
-Boss Scott dropped the book and turned to his computer and Googled, “HOW TO MURDER YOUR SUBORDINATES.” He was annoyed at the slow connection speed as he waited for his results to load. He couldn’t believe the plant was still on broadband. He made a mental note to upgrade the company internet as soon as they overcame this little speed bump in their operations.
-Boss Scott dropped the book and turned to his computer and Googled, “HOW TO MURDER YOUR SUBORDINATES.” He was annoyed at the slow connection speed as he waited for his results to load. He couldn’t believe the plant was still on broadband. He made a mental note to upgrade the company internet as soon as they overcame this little speed bump in their operations.
(This had to go after I impulsively retroactively retrofit the story to be set in 1992 while halfway done writing it. There was also a line about a
scandalous message being in the cloud and Boss Scott saying he’ll destroy all
the clouds. Ha-ha. I bet you're sad that's gone.)
Alternate Ending: Everyone Dies
Alternate Ending: Everyone Dies
-The Fruit Beast stomps every building in town, killing every single citizen. It continues to grow at an exponential rate and stomps every city and kills everyone on Earth before humanity can come together to stop it. The six billion ghosts of the eradicated human race join forces to finally fight the Fruit Beast and they manage to defeat it, I don't remember how. Maybe they possessed it and made it drown itself in an ocean? Final line I had planned for the book: "Earth: Only the dead live there now."
(Uber-grimdark and insane as this ending is, it's still not as dark as the original 1986 Little Shop of Horrors ending, which I wrote a blog on that I'll publish at some point.)
(Uber-grimdark and insane as this ending is, it's still not as dark as the original 1986 Little Shop of Horrors ending, which I wrote a blog on that I'll publish at some point.)
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