I didn't mean to write about MoviePass again this week. But darned if they aren't constantly doing write-about-able stuff.
The big scandal this week was their deranged scheme to forcibly re-enlist ex-customers.
That's right. People who thought their accounts were canceled are being emailed and told their accounts will be re-activated (with the original movie-a-day plan!) on October 5 unless they click a link to opt-out.
This is legally tricky stuff. I don't know the law, but I understand that when you cancel a service, it isn't legal for the company to un-cancel your cancellation.
HOWEVER...
MoviePass' terms of service are mega-Draconian. (So much so that I wrote a horror book that took satirical aim at their terms of service!) And one of those terms is that your account isn't canceled unless you explicitly contact them to cancel your account.
The people MoviePass is contacting with the offer they can't refuse? These are people who didn't EXPLICITLY cancel their accounts. They were just told MoviePass was changing the terms and then declined to opt-in to the new three-movie-monthly program. So according to MoviePass, these passive account lapses put their accounts in "suspended" status instead of "canceled."
I'd be surprised if the courts don't eventually decide whether this is sketch, as the implications are disturbing. How would you like it if every online service you canceled trickily tried to re-enroll you without your consent if you didn't read the fine print in every email from them?
But heck, if you look at it from another perspective, it's just a generosity misfire. I mean, being offered the unlimited plan again? That's AWESOME! If I knew all it took to get my unlimited plan back was to quit, I totally would have quit!
So paradoxically, MoviePass is punishing good folks like me who hung on with the three-monthly plan and rewarding the disloyal serfs who punked out when the going got tough.
This isn't a new thing, though. If you want to negotiate for a raise or promotion at work, you have to threaten to quit or get a job offer from a competitor. Loyalty is rarely rewarded in this, our late-stage capitalist economy.
If MoviePass wanted to re-enroll those folks, all they had to do was send an email saying, "Click here if you want to re-join with our original unlimited plan." Everyone would happily click that. Maybe make it a trial offer for two or three months so they don't bankrupt themselves again?
C'mon, MoviePass. Hire me as your consultant here. I can stop you from your continued attempts to machine-gun yourself in the crotch! I got two books about your service to my name, so you need my wisdom!
As a side note, a very wise friend whose predictions often come to pass predicts MoviePass' doom this weekend.
He pointed out that October 5 is the date in the scandalous re-enlisting email where they will start re-enlisting and charging people monthly fees. I didn't blink at that date in particular. But he pointed out what October 5 is.
Opening day for Venom.
Another Marvel movie.
MoviePass has a rich tradition of screwing their service when new Marvel movies are released. Avengers: Infinity War opened and they introduced "Peak Pricing." Ant-Man and the Wasp opened and they started blocking screenings and theaters from the app on a nationwide scale.
The Venom trailer looks great, it has the great Tom Hardy, and the buzz is solid. Everyone wants to see it.
And ticket verification is no longer in place, so whatever limited film options MoviePass makes available over the weekend? A suspiciously high number of people are going to check in on whatever random movies those might be and then buy themselves some Venom tickets. (Or heck, A Star is Born tickets! This is the perfect MoviePass storm, as everyone in the country wants to see one or both of those two movies.)
Let's do some quick math: MoviePass has maybe three million customers, minus all the ones they lost over the last couple months of corporate horseplay. Average ticket price nationwide is about $10. So if all customers use it on Venom this weekend, they're out $30 million. (If everyone uses it twice to also see A Star is Born, they're out $60 million.)
There is no way MoviePass can afford this.
My wise friend thus prophesies that this weekend will bury MoviePass.
I, however, predict the app will just have some awfully suspicious "glitches" where people can't check in to any movies on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. I call this the "MI6 Special," since MoviePass debuted this money-saving trick the weekend Mission Impossible 6 opened this past summer. Don't want people to use your app? Just shut it down and claim "technical difficulties"!
And PLOT TWIST!
Just yesterday they announced they will NOT, in fact, be going bankrupt.
See? The CEO says there's no chance of bankruptcy. No need to discuss that any further. Move along.
Seriously, though. $65 million in additional funding is a game-changer. That means they actually will have the funds in reserve to handle a worst-case $60 million movie-going scenario this weekend.
Time will tell, though.
We shall see if this legendary company still stands next week.
Until then...
We wait...
In suspense...
-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename
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