Prepare for a blown mind.
Lesson 1: Time + Low-Budget Horror = Celebrities
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a horror movie in possession of a low budget, must be filled with unknown actors. And sometimes these actors go big time!
Twenty years after its release, this film's then-unknown, now-famous actor is Adam Scott from "Parks and Recreation":
And it's not like he just has a walk-on part here. He strangles a prostitute, helps conjure demons from Hell using black magic blood rituals, betrays his boss, traps a demon to be his slave for centuries, then gets slashed to ribbons and has his heart removed by said demon.
All in all, a far cry from his beloved sitcom character.
But much like Matthew McConaughey's pre-fame performance in the fourth "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" film, Adam Scott really has nothing to be ashamed of here. He did the best he could with the material.
But much like Matthew McConaughey's pre-fame performance in the fourth "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" film, Adam Scott really has nothing to be ashamed of here. He did the best he could with the material.
Lesson 2: If You Suck Too Much, You Go Straight To Video
This was the last "Hellraiser" movie to see the light of projectors.1 The three films that came before it were a mixed bag, but the films after it are fairly dismissed as suck-fests.2
It's unfortunate that this one rang the death knell on the franchise's theatrical run,3 because it's actually a neat idea- jumping around time from the origin of the demon-summoning puzzle box to the final confrontation with the box's demons on a spaceship in the distant future.
So what went wrong? Well...
Lesson 3: Don't Drastically Recut a Movie You Don't Understand
The force of studio interference is strong with this one.
Miramax was known as the indie powerhouse of the 90's,4 but they also had a bad reputation for recutting films over their directors' strong objections. Sometimes their cuts helped turn obscure films into successes, but this time they mangled it.5
The movie is already structurally fragmented, but Miramax confused it further by stripping each segment to the bone, undercutting every beat and plot point. Consequently, it collapses at the end into some silly cops-versus-demons chase scene that was clearly added by executive committee to try to wake the audience up at the last minute.6
Miramax was known as the indie powerhouse of the 90's,4 but they also had a bad reputation for recutting films over their directors' strong objections. Sometimes their cuts helped turn obscure films into successes, but this time they mangled it.5
The movie is already structurally fragmented, but Miramax confused it further by stripping each segment to the bone, undercutting every beat and plot point. Consequently, it collapses at the end into some silly cops-versus-demons chase scene that was clearly added by executive committee to try to wake the audience up at the last minute.6
If "Hellraiser IV" ever made sense, Miramax saw to it that we'll never find out.
Lesson 4: Alan Smithee is a Prolific Director
The movie's director is Alan Smithee. Need I say more?7
And it's not like you're not gonna notice the director name. This movie was made before the Internet turned us all into ADHD zombies who can't handle a slow movie beginning, so its opening credits are a plain white text against a black screen.8
I was a Fangoria reader during this film's production and release, so I didn't have to check Wikipedia to know that FX maestro Kevin Yagher was the director and he dropped out when Miramax started butchering the film.9 Joe Chapelle took over and did a bunch of reshoots, but he didn't want his name on it, either.
Enter Mr. Smithee.
This is probably his best film since "The Birds II: Land's End."10
And it's not like you're not gonna notice the director name. This movie was made before the Internet turned us all into ADHD zombies who can't handle a slow movie beginning, so its opening credits are a plain white text against a black screen.8
I was a Fangoria reader during this film's production and release, so I didn't have to check Wikipedia to know that FX maestro Kevin Yagher was the director and he dropped out when Miramax started butchering the film.9 Joe Chapelle took over and did a bunch of reshoots, but he didn't want his name on it, either.
Enter Mr. Smithee.
This is probably his best film since "The Birds II: Land's End."10
Lesson 5: Pinhead is a Jerk
Quick history lesson: Pinhead is one of the major names in modern horror.11 His thing is taking you to Hell and torturing you for eternity with chains and blades and needles and stuff, allegedly to the point where you can't distinguish pain from pleasure.12 He can't just sneak up on you, you have to summon him with a puzzle box. And once he's summoned, you have a problem.
The sequels got right to work on bungling this character. In part three, he attacks bystanders who didn't invite him, including a club full of innocent people.13
This one takes his jerkiness even further.
During a really tedious part where Pinhead is basically complaining that things are taking too long,14 these two unknown security guards randomly wander into the room where Pinhead happens to be.
Now a reasonable person would look at these two guards and say "Hello" or "Good day, sir." But Pinhead decides to mangle these two poor strangers into an improvised set of Siamese twins, turning them into his demonic slaves for eternity.
Rude.
I repeat: Pinhead's a jerk. And I don't care who I offend by saying that.
Lesson 6: Space is a Bad Place for Horror
It's a cliche that horror icons go into space when the filmmakers run out of ideas.15 And they don't do much with the fact that Pinhead's in space here. The fact that he's on a spaceship at the end doesn't change anything. The rooms and hallways could be any ol' building.
If you're gonna do horror in space, go existential/ interdimensional-nightmarish like "Event Horizon." Anything less is uncivilized.
* * *
1. My dad took me to see this movie on opening weekend. And my reaction was the same as everyone else's at that midnight screening: "Huh?"
2. Did the rest of the "Hellraiser" films suck because they were direct-to-video or were they direct-to-video because they sucked? That timeless mystery may never be solved. In fairness, I remember the fifth one being like an okay "Twilight Zone" episode with a predictable ironic twist ending. But it looked like what it was- a random horror movie that someone rewrote with Pinhead in it so they could sell it as a "Hellraiser" film. At its best, it was direct-to-VHS horror comfort food. And I did see it on VHS- an advance screener copy at the legendary Video Vault, where I worked at the time. That store had three floors of movies with a room for every genre. Top that, Netflix.
3. It rang "Hell's Bells," perhaps? But seriously- these endless sequels must be making somebody money. The last one was a reboot and they're threatening to make more. I tell you kids- they're still gonna be making "Hellraiser" movies long after we're all cold in the ground.
4. They released "Pulp Fiction," "Good Will Hunting," "The English Patient," "The Postman," etc. So of course they bought the rights to the "Hellraiser" franchise.
5. They recut and wrecked the sixth "Halloween" film around the same time as this one, but they probably just turned a cat turd into a dog turd there. Only "Fast & Furious" films are still worth watching after the fifth entry in the series.
6. Its climax is basically 15 minutes of people we don't know wandering down hallways we don't know doing things we don't care about. If that's your thing- you'll love it.
7. If you're unfamiliar, here's the Wikipedia link to Alan Smithee: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Smithee. If I ever meet Adam Scott, I'm gonna ask him "What was it like working with director Alan Smithee on 'Hellraiser IV'?" (UPDATE: Just discovered someone's already pretty much asked him that: http://www.avclub.com/article/adam-scott-40316)
8. I think Woody Allen still does that with his movies, but Allen's work is a whole 'nother can of worms...
9. You might say they "recut the Hell out of it."
10. I know that was really you, Rick Rosenthal!
11. Along with Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Chucky, etc.- all of these guys started out okay but got worse as the number at the end of their film's titles got higher.
12. I never understood the whole masochistic pleasure-for-pain thing, so this character's appeal was and is lost on me. Pain isn't fun.
13. It's almost an old-fashioned reactionary conservative scene- like if you're in this evil club listening to this evil music, a demon will probably murder you.
14. We noticed, Mr. Head, believe me. To the film's credit, this boring sequence set in the present was a legitimate attempt to follow-up on the third film's bizarre ending- the shot of a building made of puzzle-box designs, which looked like something they just did as a throwaway joke:
15. Leprechaun needs a new hunting ground? Space. Critters are running out of people to eat? Space. Jason's running out of camp counselors to kill? Space. This isn't unique to horror- the Muppets and James Bond went to space when their filmmakers ran out of ideas, too.
-Phony McFakename
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