Confession: Phony McFakename is not my real name. At least...not yet.
I expect near-zero sales on this book. Any first-time published author in this day and age who expects otherwise is deluded. But I'm a systems guy, not a goals guy. So my system is to keep publishing awesome books until I hit with one that goes viral and catches on and then get people all fired up to buy my back catalog.
So welcome to the beginning of my back catalog!
Knowing the slim chance of selling you on this book, I'm not gonna promote this amazing, world-changing work of literature that you should definitely buy and recommend to all your friends.
Instead, I'm gonna offer up a sample from my NEXT book, Best Sellers. It's a collection of moving, emotional, uplifting stories respectfully told in the styles of various genres.
Enjoy!
"Romance Story"
The two white people kissed in the rain.
It was the most rainy rain ever and the most kissy kiss ever and the whitest white people ever.
But let us explore what got them there, in a flashback that still uses present-tense voice, all the better to confuse you with, my dear…
They have a star-crossed meeting and walk through parks in New York in autumn and shovel food in their mouths at restaurants and run through airports and watch “They Came Together” and always buckle their seat belts when they go on long drives together.
They separate over a misunderstanding, then end up reuniting and kissing in the rain.
Their kiss was super-passionate. A real lip-locker. There was even some tongue in there.
The rain poured down all over and around them.
Which brings us back to where we started. So much rain, so much white people, such kiss, much passion.
Now here’s the thing.
The kiss ended eventually and we switched to past-tense narration because we’re telling this from the future.
They had sexytime and went on vacation to an exotic island where they did the kissy thing again.
But then the infatuation wore off.
And they were faced with the choice of getting married or breaking up.
So they got married.
And lived basically happily ever after.
Until that fateful day where the white guy…forgot…to buckle his seat belt before going on a long trip…
It was okay, though, because he noticed he forgot after driving a couple blocks and then buckled up.
He was fine.
And then they grew old and died. Together.
It rained on their funeral day.
And while they were being buried…across town…there were two more white people.
They were kissing in the rain.
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1. The Kindle version has the best formatting. The other e-retailers' versions are fine, but on some e-readers, I noticed they have slightly overlong paragraph indentations that might annoy your eyes. Your mileage may vary- try a sample before buying. Barnes & Noble took over a week to put my book up, while every other site took under 24 hours. 100 years from now that won't matter, but it's a fun fact for you.
-Phony McFakename
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