Earworm Analysis: "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins

I love me some 80's pop. Any of it. All of it.

The 80's were a time where heavy metal drifted from my older brother's room, cheesy synth-heavy pop drifted from boom boxes at the school yard, and classic rock & oldies drifted from my parents' car stereo. I didn't really have any control over what I heard, it all just washed over me and I passively received it. It didn't occur to me to develop musical preferences until the 90's, when I became fanatically obsessed with one band and one genre after another.

But 80's pop still has a huge place in my heart. It sounds like a simpler time of neon joy and bright clothes with an undercurrent of existential dread as we wondered each day if/when the Soviets would nuke us. We're all sentimental about our childhoods because we didn't have bills to pay and we were less aware of our mortality and the human condition. But really, there's never been a golden age of existence. As long as humans have been around, we've constantly faced light and darkness, ups and downs, danger zones and non-danger zones.

Which brings us to "Danger Zone"! It's been memed and covered and endlessly referenced on Archer. It's a super-catchy, driving tune that was custom-made for a movie driven by Commie nuclear obliteration paranoia (And unintentional homoeroticism). The song feels frivolous and dangerous at the same time.

Let's take a closer look at it!

The Song Itself

This is a bangin' song. It's rokken like Dokken. If you don't feel revved up and awesome after hearing it, I don't know what to do with you.

The song takes you through peaks and valleys of 80's-tastic riffs and synths and only slows down long enough to give you a moment to think about how proud you are to be American before it leaves you no choice but to resume your fist-pumping and head-banging.

I salivate with Pavlovian patriotism whenever I hear this song anywhere.

I will hear nothing against it.

The Lyrics

Let's take a gander at its poetry:

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the danger zone
Ride into the danger zone

Headin' into twilight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the track
And shovin' into overdrive

Highway to the danger zone
I'll take you
Ridin' into the danger zone

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go

Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Highway to the danger zone
Gonna take you
Right into the danger zone
Highway to the danger zone

This song was written for Top Gun. Loggins had access to the film. And these are the words he sang.

Now before you fact-check me- yes, I know Loggins didn't actually write it. Two studio hacks wrote this song and Loggins was the FOURTH CHOICE for recording this song. Toto, Bryan Adams, and REO Speedwagon all, for one reason or another, passed on it. I often wonder how Loggins felt about being the fourth one on the list. Hey, worked out okay for him in the end. Do you know any Kenny Loggins songs other than this one?

So, whoever wrote this song wrote it FOR THE MOVIE TOP GUN. And thus, I have some questions for the songwriters:

-The phrase "highway" is used four times- do jets travel on highways?
-Do you really say that you "ride" in a jet?
-Does a jet engine actually "rev"?
-Why the reference to a "track"? Do jets really go on tracks?
-Is "overdrive" really a thing in jets?

Obviously, every word in the song is a sexual innuendo- that's true for 99% of songs- but the vehicular references here all sound more appropriate for car racing than jet flying. Except for a token reference to "get it up as high as you can go," there's pretty much no aerial innuendo. Missed opportunity! If ever there were a song for copious sexy jet references, this would have been the one.

And a lot of it just doesn't make any sense. "You'll never say hello to you until you get it on the red line overload"? What does that even mean?

The Video

It's not good.

Sorry to say that, because I love this song.

The video is full of clips from Top Gun, which are awesome.

FEEL THE AMERICA

The Top Gun stuff is all cut together very well. But if I wanted to watch Top Gun, I would watch Top Gun. Because it's awesome.

FEEL THE THUMB

The only content in this video that is not Top Gun footage is scenes of Kenny Loggins, flat on his back on a bed, looking like he's in extreme pain.

OUCH!

DOUBLE OUCH!

And then when he's not laying down and wincing, he's just leaning against things or standing there in a dark room looking at the camera and sometimes lip-syncing.

Not straying too far from that bed, though.

Was Kenny Loggins too high to perform? Why film every scene in a dank hotel room? Could they not afford a set? And was it mandatory for 80's male lead singers to wear a striking white shirt with slick hair and sunglasses and a scuzzy-looking beard?

I would look up whether Sisters of Mercy or Kenny Loggins had that look first, but I'm a busy guy.

The Verdict

This is a near-perfect song despite its ridiculous lyrics and inane video. I will defend it to my dying day.

-Phony McFakename

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