I started watching Person of Interest the other day. Cool show. A friend called it "Batman meets Minority Report with computers instead of psychics." Fair enough.
But I didn't come here to talk about that.
I came to talk about Jesus.
This one, specifically:
Because this guy who played Jesus in Passion of the Christ, Jim Caviezel, is also the lead actor in Person of Interest.
Look, I connected them!
Anyhoo, I was working at a now-demolished movie theater in 2004 when Passion of the Christ came out.
I was two years out of college and scooping popcorn for minimum wage. It happens.
And the only reason the theater hired me was because they needed extra help due to surprisingly high ticket sales for Passion. (Theaters normally don't hire a lot of staff during the non-blockbuster-y month of March.)
First things first: I saw the movie and didn't care for it. Not because it was rated R (Again- this). But because it took so many liberties with the story, it was less "story of Jesus" and more "Bible fan fiction."
Now there's nothing wrong with putting your own artistic spin on the life of Jesus- Last Temptation of Christ did a great job with that- but if you're presenting it as the true story of Christ, the barometer for honesty is a little higher.
Behold, this nonsense is presented as part of the story:
-A serpent crawls through the Garden of Gethsemane and bothers Jesus while he's busy with his agony in there. (Satan appears there and chit-chats with him, too.)
-Judas is attacked by a gaggle of morphing demon-faced boys who beat and kick him.
-Mary Magdalene is presented as the prostitute in Jesus' "He who is without sin throw the first stone" scene.
-A raven pecks out the eye of one of the thieves getting crucified next to Jesus.
-A raven pecks out the eye of one of the thieves getting crucified next to Jesus.
-Satan (a bald-headed albino woman, btw) is holding a demon-baby that giggles at Jesus while he's being scourged.
So it wasn't my jam. (I dug Pasolini's Gospel According to St. Matthew, for the record.)
But I tell you what- our theater patrons sure liked it!
Sellout crowds on weekends AND weekdays. Church screenings. Non-church screenings. Youth groups. Adult groups.
And there I was at the concession counter, popping popcorn and jockeying the register as they walked in.
Customers couldn't QUITE evade the concession counter on the way in, whether they were heading to the theaters on the left or right side of the building. (Passion was playing on both sides.)
And like a good retail salesbot, I got their attention and asked if they wanted anything.
They always did.
And like they teach ya in concessionist training- I upsold. (You order a medium, I tell you it's only 25 cents more to make it a large.)
And also in accordance with my training- I did suggestive selling. (You order a popcorn and soda, I ask if you want a candy, too.)
The most valuable tool in the suggestive/up-selling toolbox was the combo. You get the large popcorn, large soda, and candy, and it's about $4 cheaper than if you bought them separately.
Good deal, right?
Well, it's not- the $6 popcorn cost the theater about 11 cents, the $5 soda cost about 6 cents, and the candy was likewise a few bucks cheaper for the theater to buy. (But concession sales are where theaters make all their money, so give 'em a break!)
The end result was that thanks to me, a whole lotta people walked into that movie armed with a popcorn/candy/soda combo (I set a record for combo sales, getting me promoted to the God-like $6.50/hour Assistant Manager position within weeks).
And then the movie started.
While my position was behind the counter, I still helped clean the theaters. So I saw the floors after the movie was over. And what did I see?
All the food I sold the customers.
Every large bucket of popcorn was almost full. And every soda had only a sip or two taken out of it. The box of candy was usually gone, but I'm guessing people just took it home.
I worked at a couple movie theaters before this one, mostly as an usher- taking tickets and cleaning theaters. And I'd never seen that much unfinished food on the floor before. Not even at Amistad or House of 1000 Corpses.
I'd always had pretty good luck finding coins and bills on the theater floor- more bills than you might guess- but Passion was the first movie where I saw people on the floor as the credits rolled.
On their knees. Praying fervently. Often in tears.
The cynic in me wondered if they were just gut-punched by the raw brutality of Passion and felt guilted into gratitude for Jesus' sacrifice. Did they experience the same kind of conversion people had when they saw Super Size Me and decided never to eat fast food again...and then ate it again a week later? Or the people who saw Requiem for a Dream and swore off all substance abuse forever...until the next time they were offered a drink?
I don't know. Maybe Passion did affect people on a deeper level. It sure killed their appetites.
Sellout crowds on weekends AND weekdays. Church screenings. Non-church screenings. Youth groups. Adult groups.
And there I was at the concession counter, popping popcorn and jockeying the register as they walked in.
Customers couldn't QUITE evade the concession counter on the way in, whether they were heading to the theaters on the left or right side of the building. (Passion was playing on both sides.)
And like a good retail salesbot, I got their attention and asked if they wanted anything.
They always did.
And like they teach ya in concessionist training- I upsold. (You order a medium, I tell you it's only 25 cents more to make it a large.)
And also in accordance with my training- I did suggestive selling. (You order a popcorn and soda, I ask if you want a candy, too.)
The most valuable tool in the suggestive/up-selling toolbox was the combo. You get the large popcorn, large soda, and candy, and it's about $4 cheaper than if you bought them separately.
Good deal, right?
Well, it's not- the $6 popcorn cost the theater about 11 cents, the $5 soda cost about 6 cents, and the candy was likewise a few bucks cheaper for the theater to buy. (But concession sales are where theaters make all their money, so give 'em a break!)
The end result was that thanks to me, a whole lotta people walked into that movie armed with a popcorn/candy/soda combo (I set a record for combo sales, getting me promoted to the God-like $6.50/hour Assistant Manager position within weeks).
And then the movie started.
All the food I sold the customers.
Every large bucket of popcorn was almost full. And every soda had only a sip or two taken out of it. The box of candy was usually gone, but I'm guessing people just took it home.
I worked at a couple movie theaters before this one, mostly as an usher- taking tickets and cleaning theaters. And I'd never seen that much unfinished food on the floor before. Not even at Amistad or House of 1000 Corpses.
I'd always had pretty good luck finding coins and bills on the theater floor- more bills than you might guess- but Passion was the first movie where I saw people on the floor as the credits rolled.
On their knees. Praying fervently. Often in tears.
The cynic in me wondered if they were just gut-punched by the raw brutality of Passion and felt guilted into gratitude for Jesus' sacrifice. Did they experience the same kind of conversion people had when they saw Super Size Me and decided never to eat fast food again...and then ate it again a week later? Or the people who saw Requiem for a Dream and swore off all substance abuse forever...until the next time they were offered a drink?
I don't know. Maybe Passion did affect people on a deeper level. It sure killed their appetites.
Passion of the Christ was good for popcorn sales, maybe not so good for popcorn consumption.
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