You know, the type with seven days in it.
And all seven days have been super-duper-mega-chaos for a certain company named "MoviePass."
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First, there was this sublimely ridiculous, ridiculously sublime Ringer article, a spectacular train-wreck of a visit to MoviePass headquarters.
The best laughs come from the constant stream of unintentionally self-damning commentary by MoviePass CEO Mitch Lowe (A.K.A. The Mitchster), including this bit on when they dropped the price and were getting hundreds of thousands of account signups a day:
“I was talking to our CTO,” Lowe continues, “and he
said, ‘By the way, you know we can only ship about 35,000 to 50,000 cards a
week, right?’ I said, ‘Yeah, I know that, but shouldn’t we be able to call
MasterCard and increase that?’ The answer was no.”
They truly had no idea what they were doing.
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Then this story came out about MoviePass' recently-hired Senior Executive stealing thousands of dollars from his previous employer in 2010.
My first thought on that was that this is no different from all us MoviePass users stealing from the company every time we used it in the unlimited era, plus MoviePass itself stealing from their investors during that same period. And MoviePass has been stealing from its customers by collecting monthly fees and providing garbage service for half a year now. So a thief should fit right in there!
Now that story is not specifically bad MoviePass behavior. It's just bad optics, as that new executive, Khalid Itum, was supposed to be the Turnaround Kid for the company. And dirt on him is not helpful.
Also, it's a bit more complicated than it sounds. Apparently the facts were in dispute about how much money was actually allegedly stolen, plus whether the money was used for legitimate business expenses. Itum claims his previous employer was retaliating against him with that lawsuit and threatening his immigration status for personal reasons. The previous employer didn't comment. So, we're left to wonder on that one.
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Ready for another loop-de-loop on this cinematic rollercoaster? MoviePass parent company Helios and Matheson just finally got delisted from the NASDAQ.
"What does that mean?" you're probably asking. It means their stock traded at under $1 for too long and they're no longer allowed to play in the big leagues of the stock market. And interestingly, the company isn't even appealing the decision. Probably a good move.
But despite this financial cataclysm, they say it will have "no effect on the day-to-day business operations."
Want proof? They're still hard at work on those three Bruce Willis movies they signed him for, in addition to this new one from out of nowhere, starring Al Pacino.
Axis Sally. Weird title. Fitting, for a weird company.
The bumblebee flies on. Can't stop the rock.
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Meanwhile, over in Sinemia land, they're having their own set of ups and downs.
Ups first!
They got this fairly positive write-up in Business Insider, a site that (like me) was highly skeptical of Sinemia in the past. It highlights the company's attempts to woo theater chains to use their app as a template for building their own ticket subscription services, a great way to make MoviePass extra-obsolete.
Another MoviePass-destroying move? Sinemia continues to be the only company offering an unlimited ticket plan, and it's STILL only $20 a month.
I wish I'd waited to sign up until that option was available, as I've contacted Sinemia customer service via Twitter to see if I could upgrade to it and they said no, alas.
Can't win 'em all.
Three movies a month for $8.99 is still great!
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Ready for the bad Sinemia news?
They jacked the price for their physical card from $15 to $25. They really, really want you to just use the app to get your tickets so they can collect that sweet, sweet $1.80 "processing fee" on every transaction.
Cards were still just $15 when I got mine. I recommend you get yours soon before they jack the price up to $35.
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And Sinemia got blitzed in the press and message boards for apparently locking down hundreds (thousands?) of user accounts and refusing to unlock them unless the user uploaded two forms of ID.
This is terrible on many levels.
The most disturbing is that Sinemia is a Turkish company, so the legality of everything they do is kinda up in the air. Who governs them? Who knows? But when a Turkish company demands a photo of your government-issued driver's license, that should send up all kinds of red flags.
They're allegedly doing this to verify user identification and prevent fraud (think of this as MoviePass' beloved "ticket verification" on heroin-flavored crack). So all they REALLY need is to see your face and name on your ID.
And thus, pro-tip: contrary to what Sinemia says on the subject, you absolutely can and should obscure your driver's license number if/when you upload a photo of your ID to them. Verification can take anywhere from 20 minutes to several days.
Think this is kinda lame? Well, you can apparently vent directly at the CEO of Sinemia! He's on Twitter, as the Internet recently learned!
Be firm but polite with him!
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Back to the 'pass.
I hate articles on MoviePass like this. Right up front, they get the most basic facts wrong. The unlimited service was $9.95 a month, not $9.99.
That's a warning sign that you're about to read a garbled blah of secondhand quotes and hearsay. This is probably yet another one of the hundreds of articles about MoviePass written by someone who never actually used MoviePass.
Extra insulting is that it claims to be the "inside story." It is not. As expected, it mostly recycles quotes from recent and ancient articles about the company.
Boycott MoviePass articles that add no new insight!
Okay, in fairness, there was one funny new thing in there I hadn't heard...delisted parent company HMNY CEO Ted Farnsworth saying they want to cast MoviePass subscribers in the movies they produce.
"We cast (subscribers)...to be in our movies, have a talking part or speaking part or whatever it is...So I think it's more inclusive … where it's just not only subscription."
Casting MoviePass subscribers in their movies..."LOL," as the kids say.
Will these subscribers be able to resist holding up "NO MORE SCREENINGS ARE AVAILABLE AT THIS THEATER" signs?
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Another lil' MoviePass LOL: this tone-deaf video.
Please note comments are disabled on this MoviePass ad.
Disabling comments is the smartest thing they've done in months.
-B.P. Kasik/Phony McFakename
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