Cinemasterworks: It's "Elektra" (Woogie, Woogie, Woogie)

Season 2 of Daredevil recently dropped and we all watched it and it’s pretty much awesome. Daredevil, Elektra, and Punisher all running around and getting into shenanigans.

But I didn’t come to discuss that. I came to discuss the other movie that depicted the female assassin by the name of Elektra. That’s right- the 2005 disasterpiece Elektra.

To the best of my knowledge, no one watched the 2003 Ben Affleck Daredevil and said “You know what we need? We need a spin-off from that movie focusing on that female ninja assassin character!” Not just because the movie was awful, but because the female ninja assassin character DIED halfway through the movie. (Spoiler in that last sentence, I’m terribly sorry if I just reduced your enjoyment of the 2003 Daredevil.)

But death has always proven a marginal impediment for Marvel characters. And sure enough, Elektra is alive and well and merrily assassinating away at the start of this film. Her resurrection is explained by a series of sloppy jump-cut flashbacks where someone did a Mr. Miyagi-esque laying-on-of-hands in the ambulance to Bring Her Back To Life.

This Elektra movie does not have a good reputation. So I won’t beat up on it here. Well…let’s at least briefly mention the ninja assassin army that dissipates into stinky-looking green smoke when they die (I call them the “Death Fart Killer Squad”). The guy with animal tattoos that mutate into sloppy CGI animals that chase after the good guys (The demon-wolf death-rays shooting out of his chest are a highlight). Also the climactic battle scene has a room full of white sheets flying through the air looking exactly like the bargain basement CGI blobs that they are.

That’s enough abuse. Instead, I’ll say it’s not as jaw-droppingly awful as the Affleck Daredevil from whence it sprang. In fact, it has some competent scenes. It looks good. The color palette and cinematography are perfectly fine. (It’s directed by an X-Files veteran- he had some talent, but his feature film directing career was stopped cold by this mess.) Jennifer Garner does her best playing the character she’s assigned. Some of the supporting cast members are fun. (The long-haired biker dude from Falling Skies appears here with a haircut and he’s solid.)

And while we're having fun, her full name is Elektra Natchios. Say that out loud. You're probably now thinking what I'm thinking:

Tee-hee.

Now back to business. 

This film's biggest offense: It doesn’t let Elektra be Elektra.

Future generations will revisit this film and see it as a curious artifact of an oppressive patriarchal culture.

Is that too harsh? No, it is not.

Here’s why: the first 10 minutes consist of Elektra ninja-hopping her way from shadow to shadow, shredding her way through a small army of bodyguards. And then she dramatically assassinates her target and struts on out. This is a functional opening- well-staged, establishing her as a cold-blooded ruthless assassin. Girl power!

Then the rest of the film apologizes for that opening scene.

Elektra is an assassin. Good or evil, that’s what she is. A strong, brutal, independent female. But the three male writers of this film decided to domesticate her.

On top of giving her crippling PTSD flashbacks and severe OCD, they introduce an annoying little girl who lives next to Elektra. This girl is not interesting. Her interactions with Elektra are supposed to show us another side of Elektra and reveal a newfound mothering instinct that teaches Elektra the value of life. None of this rings true.

If that’s not enough, it turns out the little girl is a Chosen One and Elektra is assigned to assassinate her, but Elektra refuses and defends her against other assassins instead. The movie then becomes less about Elektra and more about this very not-interesting girl and how super-duper mystical martial-artsy Chosen she is.

What were they thinking? That in a spin-off movie about Elektra, they’d use it as a jumping-off point for ANOTHER character to act in her own franchise? That we’d see that little magic kung fu girl and say “Oo! I want to see HER further adventures!”???

Nope

This is the same thing Mad Max: Fury Road did. That movie is not about Mad Max, but a secondary female character named Furiosa. But Furiosa was awesome and interesting and it was a clever act of feminist subversion to put her in the lead role of a film with “Mad Max” in the title.

The little girl who steals most of the screen time in this alleged “Elektra” film is just not cool. At all. And she’s never really in any danger. Not only does she have a small army of protectors- on top of the formidable Elektra- but she also has way-too-good fighting skills. There’s no suspense, even if we did care about her fate.

Fury Road undercut the Mad Max character in an interesting way. But in turning the hardcore assassin Elektra into a mommy figure who increasingly doubts herself as she goes along (Oh, and did I mention she lets down her guard and falls in love with a boring hunky guy?), Elektra undercuts its title character in an offensive, stereotypical, retrogressive way.

Social Justice Warriors of the world should unite and attack this film! Color me #TRIGGERED!

-Phony McFakename

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