A short one this month. Because I'm writing a bit more than I'm reading. And as always- this is where the stuff I think was funny on Twitter can be found.
“The
things we fear the most have already happened to us.”
-One
Hour Photo
"The
secret to all of every industry: just start doing it, and they won't notice
that they never told you to. If you want to be a hand model, just start doing
it. Somehow people forget that they never gave you permission."
-Thomas
Lennon
“Goodbye,
everybody. Don’t touch my stuff after I’m dead. It’s booby-trapped!"
-Futurama
"Old
age is not for sissies."
-Quartet
"Take
my hand and keep it clean."
-Nirvana
"Suicide
is illegal...Anyone who commits suicide is swiftly reincarnated and tortured
for the duration of their natural life."
-D.
Harlan Wilson, Pseudo-City
“You’re
drowning, bro...in chicksand.”
-Happy
Endings
“God
grant me distraction.”
-Mark
Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves
“The
female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari
looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to
deal with the male one.”
"Peace?'
said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for
the next war.”
“If
you try to to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead
hands.”
“I
see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present
everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of
good. I think there is more to this theory, but I tend to burst out laughing at
this point.”
“Apes
had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is
not." They would think, "The banana is. I will eat the banana. There
is no banana. I want another banana.”
-Terry
Pratchett, Unseen Academicals -Compiled by Phony McFakename
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